Isha Vela 0:01
Welcome to Devotional Anarchy, a podcast about intimacy, attachment, sexuality, spirituality, self expression and other relational themes from a trauma responsive somatic energetic lens, and with a queer polyamorous twist, of course. I’m Isha Vela trauma psychologist somatic intimacy Alchemist shadow doula love at our guest, intuitive channel and sovereignty coach. You’re here because you understand that integrating intimacy wounds build safety and trust within your body. And that safety and trust is what allows you to fully own and direct your erotic and creative lifeforce in your relationships and purposeful work. My intention is for the conversations and tools shared in this podcast, to light a fire in your heart and under your magical ass while supporting you on your kinky human journey to owning all of yourself.
Hello, dear sovereign. I’m so excited to share this episode with you. I had Pamela Barba, who was a soulful brand and business strategist on the first season of the podcast. And I brought her in again, because we’re running a program for entrepreneurs in the fall. And what we focused on in this conversation was how trauma shows up in your showing up. And of course,
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you know, when we talk about showing up, that really includes all of your relationships. But in this conversation, we really focused on business leadership. And we talk about,
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you know, transparency and radical honesty, in connecting with your clients in the sales process, in marketing, with a specific focus on balancing, rigidity, or structure, right, because structures can be really rigid balancing structure with flow, and,
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and how for each person, there’s going to be a different mix of how that is integrated, right. Some people need more structure, and less flow. And some people need more flow less structure such as myself. So and talking about how self how that all that requires self trust and how that builds over time. So I’m so excited to share this with you listen, through the end, where Pame and I both share
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our specific gifts that we’re going to bring into the harmonized container. All right, enjoy.
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find me I’m so happy to have you on the podcast again. I was so excited to be here. Yeah, I love chatting with you. Yeah, I feel like I’m always like, Oh, we could do this all day. Yeah, yeah. Cuz this is like, this is something that, you know, when we talking about how trauma like, like, have a real conversation about trauma, how it shows up in your business, but it really is much broader than that, right? Because we’re, you and I are both leadership coaches. So it’s not it’s really like about how you show up and how trauma shows up in your showing up? Yeah, yeah. You know, whether it’s in your love relationships in your parenting, you know, in your family. But, you know, we’re focusing the conversation today about business and leadership. But, you know, for the people listening, it’s broader than that, but we’re just going to sort of like keep it a little bit narrower. Just because we’re, we’re going to be doing our three month business incubator harmonize, and this is part of the conversation that we want to share with people.
Unknown Speaker 3:57
Yeah, so, um, so yeah, I did here. And I think it was you that that said this, like, years ago, and it was like,
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you know, everything in our life is relationships, like whether it’s with your clients, with your boss, with your partners, with your kids. It’s all about relationships. And there’s so much that affects how we show up in relationships, which affects all of those things. And it was just like a kind of like a mind blowing moment for me. Because for me, personally, I can you know, I I’ve had to do a lot of work and how I show up to relationships, which would have altered like the course of my business career, everything. Yeah, yeah. And when we think about like, where, like we were, you know, we were continually moving out of, bro.
Unknown Speaker 4:52
You know, toxic models of how we do business. The more we move out of that, the more it really is about real
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relationships and collaborations and right, that is all relationships, like, not just with your clients, but even in your in the sales process, right, like having a consensual sales process. And, you know, when we think about like decolonizing your business, it just really comes back to relatedness. Right? Like your relationships, your, your capacity to be intimate with your business, your capacity to be real with your clients. Right? And, and to honor, like, all the, the emotional stuff that comes up as part of the process of connecting more deeply, sharing yourself more being more visible, that is going to touch into the places. Yeah, and it’s, it’s interesting, because I’ve watched myself go from extremes, right from like, when I first when I, when I quit my career, I was a project manager at an app development company. And so it was kind of my job to be like, this is the contract, we had like, one extra conversation, we’re gonna have to charge you for that, you know, this person looked at your website for one minute longer, I need to jot that down, you know, it was all about like keeping things in line. So when I started my business, it was very much from that same headspace of like, here’s the contract, anything outside of this is, you know, a change order. And it was like very, like, rigid and strict, because that’s the way that I had been trained.
Unknown Speaker 6:26
And it was like, so that was one extreme, which, of course, it’s like, a little bit jarring. When you’re like working with a person, right? Especially somebody with like, I feel like as bubbly of personality, as you know, the minute we get into business, I’m like, I work that way. Right? And then to go into like the other extreme, which is like, no, everything can go like yes, whatever. No, I’m not going to charge you. Of course, this is just a Congress that, you know, it’s like, and just giving, giving, giving, giving. Yeah. And both of those places felt safe in some way. What’s actually the harder piece is being in the middle being like I am in relationship with you. And I’m finding myself wanting to be like really strict and keep to the contract, you know, and it’s just like this fluid relationship. Yes, yes. Then that that middle place is is like relational and boundary. Yes. Right, where you’re where you’re needing to hold the space or hold the container for that conversation. And really like, wow, yeah, that’s huge. I the way that you just painted that felt really different. It feels very different in my body. Yeah, just having it the middle is right, like not, not super rigid and not loosey goosey. But having this like these healthy boundaries that really like, allow people to be them and allows you to be you, right? Because that’s what boundaries serve, like we can all we can bring our needs. We can share our truth, right? And have those to have them all there in that relationship. Yeah. And it requires a lot of self trust. Because even as we think about like, business, right? There’s this like, there’s this idea of like, here’s the framework, here’s the formula, here’s what you do follow these steps perfectly, right? That’s like one side of it. Yeah. And then the other side is all like no all intuition all like, I’ll just do it when I feel like that I never have to do anything hard. And it’s for me, it’s easy to be in either of those places. What has taken a lot of work is finding the middle like, Oh, this is a structure that’s helpful. I’m actually going to take this, this is hard, and I know I have to do it. Or like, Ah, screw this, I’m listening to my intuition on this one. It just requires a lot of trusting yourself. You’re so right, you’re so right. Because, you know, even when you and I started working together, I remember sharing with you like you have really good structures, like you’re a really good person for structure, and you came up with all these Excel sheets. And I started like, I felt myself having a panic attack. Because I grew up with a shit ton of structure I came from, like military family. So like, my, my response has been no structure or very little structure to have, like a lot of flow and creativity. And you know what, I do have that. And right, it’s like, it’s the marrying the two is having, like harmonics, right? Having enough structure, right where that intuition and that creativity can slow, right? Because it’s like, yeah, in either direction. It’s out of balance. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 9:36
Yeah. I love that. You said that.
Unknown Speaker 9:39
Yeah, and a lot of the, a lot of the feminine business models, right, are all about like, intuition and flow and like, you know, I just, I don’t even have a sales page and you know what, like, do that if that feels good to you? If that works, that’s what works for you. Yeah, do it. I know that for most people. Nice.
Unknown Speaker 10:00
self included, there has to be a little like there has to be an internal balance. Right?
Unknown Speaker 10:06
Yeah. And I think also often like that advice comes from a place of privilege. You know, often I’m watching coaches who say that kind of stuff, already have an audience or already have a business. So they’re at the stage where they can have a little bit more fun. But when you’re first starting out, and you’re first building, it’s like, you need a sales page, people are confused about that you’re selling something right away, to show them that you’re selling something and what it is.
Unknown Speaker 10:39
And so yeah, it’s interesting, because as I think about harmonize our three month business incubator, I haven’t talked a lot about, you know, the structures piece of it, like we don’t really talk about a lot about it. But it’s because the muscle that we’re inviting people to flex is this, like, sure you want to talk about a sales page structure, we can do that. But how do you flex that self trust muscle? That intuition muscle to be like, What do I need? Doesn’t need to be exactly that? Can I take a piece of this? Like, how can I be in my own version of the middle between the structure and the completely unstructured? And show up, you know, in a more powerful way? Mm hmm. Yeah. And that question that you said, asking yourself what you need? is, like, such a powerful question. And it’s such a simple question. But if you continue to ask it, if you continue to be in that inquiry of what is it that I need, everything that’s out there is going to become sort of like extra, and it’s really going to come down to, I need to build more space for rest. Or because of my particular body, right? I need to build space for creative time because of my neuro diversity, right? Or I need to create more space for I don’t know what because of my human design, right? If, for whatever reason, the needs are, like, I need to build a lot of space for to process emotions, because I have a lot of emotions, and I have them very deeply. So that like, a lot of the bulk of my work is really like on managing my emotions. You know? Yeah, so this that question, what do I need? What do I need? What do I need, and coming back to that over and over again, really designs in a way your business? And being really honest, you know, because, to me, I need a lot of time to deal with my anxiety. You know, like, there are some days when I wake up, I’m very anxious. And I know that’s not a good place to work from. So it’s like, I might need three or four hours of journaling and taking care of myself maybe taking a shower, even if I don’t need a shower, or whatever it is, yes, that date.
Unknown Speaker 12:58
But also, it’s like being honest, because sometimes to my anxiety, it feels really good to do something that’s not actually, like that’s soothing in a way that’s not actually helping me move forward. You know, more, it’s like a distraction. Like, yes, yeah, like a long term distraction. Because distraction is an important skill, in trauma like to be like, Okay, well, I’m gonna shift my attention here for a minute, but you come back to it, but there’s the distraction where we’re like, oh, I’m going to be on my phone for a long time and doing all that. Yeah. That kind of infection. Yeah. Or even like, I’m going to work on my website, which is a totally productive thing. But it’s like, Is this really going to help me like, move the needle? Or should I just get off the computer and wait for my anxiety to go away? Right, and then come back, and we can get lost in those little tasks, right, and the menial tasks that our brains think, like, oh, yeah, like, let me just focus on this, and I’ll feel better, but it’s actually not, like you said, helping us move the needle or not moving the feelings or having us be with them in a way that is actually ultimately productive to the business. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 14:16
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So yeah, so for me, like for you, it’s anxiety for me, it’s just like, my emotions are more like, I just have like, a lot of feelings. Like I wake up in the morning, it’s anxiety. But it’s more like, I need to clean the vessel. And he’s like, I need to like empty the vessel is because like overnight, like I feel like I fill up and then I need to like empty it out so that I can just like receive like, it really is for me, like moving my body is so that I can like receive like hold space but also receive intuition like intuitive hits, right. Yeah, yeah.
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if, for whatever reason, like,
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I’m also thinking about, you know, we talked about briefly about the sales process and having
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a sales process that is,
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that is intimate, that is connected, that allows people to sit to sort of, like honor honors people’s sovereignty, but also as boundary, like, we’re not going to keep this container open forever. And, you know, we’re, we’re like, honoring people’s yeses and noes. I feel like
Unknown Speaker 15:35
when when we enter, like sales calls, for example, right, because you’re, you’re in a business, you’re gonna sell things, right, we have to work through our feelings around selling. But then there’s also like,
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when you know, you and I did this.
Unknown Speaker 15:53
We did this event of backing yourself. And sometimes on sales calls, we don’t back ourselves. Because, you know, we, we have some doubts about our offer, right? We’re not fully like 100%. behind it. We, we kind of we like it, but we’re not sure if we love it, or we don’t have like that faith and trust you were talking about? And so that’s going to show up on the sales column, and you’re gonna be like, Oh, if you don’t want it, okay, okay, I’ll back off, you know, instead of entering then the conversation of like, curiosity. So So what’s happening right now that that you’re wanting to say no, and it’s not that you want to convince the person to say yes, but you want to be genuinely curious about what the hesitation is, because you want to meet the person there. And you also want to get curious about like, maybe it’s something about how you’re talking about your offer that is not really pulling people in. So that curiosity is is really important.
Unknown Speaker 16:50
Yeah, and I think, also like that having yourself um, you know, something I’ve noticed with myself in the past is when I was like, really anxious about making money, it just puts this really weird pressure on any sort of conversation that you’re having.
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And so once I like, let go of that, it was like, we’re just connecting, like,
Unknown Speaker 17:14
and I am very, like, upfront, like, I’m like,
Unknown Speaker 17:19
I, I’m a fan of having everything on the sales page, the cost the, you know, everything so that when people are hopping on a call with me, they know what they’re walking into. And it’s not like a surprise. Yeah. Because that doesn’t feel good to me. Yeah. Yeah. Because then there’s some sort of manipulative aspect that that inevitably comes in. That is like, right, the pressure to make money, then it’s like, there is this, like, Oh, I really, I really need you to say yes, right, that that the if the energy like this uncomfortable, kind of like energy in the space, that really, I’m going to be a judgmental pitch and say, shouldn’t be there. And sometimes is, but it can also be named, right. I think that, you know, in the, in the
Unknown Speaker 18:11
in the spirit of transparency, as you shared about the sales page, and in the spirit of radical honesty, right, and intimacy is saying, like, yes, there’s a part of me that feels like I really want you to be in the container. You know, I really want you to be in there. And, you know, there’s, there’s, I have a feeling of that. And sometimes that that can just acknowledge that you can acknowledge it for yourself, or if you’re with somebody who can we have some familiarity with, then you can bring it in the space and be like, okay, there, I said it, it’s done. It’s, you know, cats out of the bag, you know, and then your nervous system can settle. And you can get to the sales call and the way that feels congruent.
Unknown Speaker 18:53
Yeah, yeah. And I think to like, not even just about, I mean, it is related to sales, but
Unknown Speaker 19:00
when we’re so desperately trying to mold ourselves or offer or the conversation and to something that is going to be desired. Like, in my experience, it always backfires. Like, those are always the clients that I’ve had issues with, or that you know, so I’m very much in the like, I’m not here to convince anybody, like, you have felt my vibe. You have seen my stuff like this is just really for logistical questions. And yeah, cuz I so I did a year, it was a year, like sales training, because that was like, I got convinced that, you know, I could make money wherever I want. If I went into the sales training program, and the person that did the sales training program was like a top, you know, like sales was her whole life, right? So I learned a formula for how you have these conversations and where do you poke and where do you prod and
Unknown Speaker 20:00
Like, where do you gather data that then you can be like, Oh, you told me that you really want to move to Mexico? What would it be like if you did? And you know, what happens if you don’t? And you know exactly how to say it. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 20:13
And it works. It does. It’s manipulative, and it works. But it doesn’t feel good. And it’s actually in that program, the program had a mindset component to where we had mindset coaching, and we were taught, like, I’m giving you this formula that works. If you don’t want to do it, it’s your mindset. And you just need to come to the mindset coaching call to like, make yourself do it. And I ended up, like, after a year of being in that program, I ended up feeling like shit, because I was like, my mindset is broken. Like, somehow, all these other like, doing finger quotes, like boss, babes are in here. And they’re like, you know, having 10k months and, you know, really like figuring it out. And somehow I keep doing the same thing. And it’s just like, not working.
Unknown Speaker 21:05
And so it made me like very, and for me, the reason why is because I had a lot of trauma that I needed to work through. And a sales coaching container was not the place to do that. Also, also human design, I learned a lot, you know, about human design in that process. But yeah, it’s
Unknown Speaker 21:24
it comes back to this, like being in this middle space of like, trusting yourself and being like, oh, okay, cool. I had no idea what a coaching I mean, what a sales call conversations should look like. Now I know, here are the parts of it that feel good to me. And here are the parts that feel like manipulative and gross and that I’m just not going to do. Right. Yeah. And that’s wonderful. Because you have to like, yes, you here you have this structure, right? That, you know, isn’t 100% for you, and you ask yourself, what is it? Do I need I needed to feel a certain way or, or I’m uncomfortable with that, right? All of those, all of that is self referencing, and asking yourself, what would feel good for you to then tweak it and change it? Right. So that you can you can step into that conversation with like,
Unknown Speaker 22:16
right, like your nervous system is settled, because you’re you know, you’re not there to convince anybody you’re not there to do logistics or, or explain like pricing and this, you’re just there to like, hold the space for the person in their decision making process. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. There’s not to convince just to help them realize if it’s a yes or no, right. Yeah. And answer those those basic questions like, Is this a right fit for you? And to honor the No, right? Or to tell them? It’s a no, if you really don’t think it’s going to be a fit for them? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, this is so good. This is so good. I feel like
Unknown Speaker 22:59
I also want to talk about marketing.
Unknown Speaker 23:04
Because I know that for myself, it has been challenging for me to convey my value convey like, why you want to work with me, why do you want to work with me? And I think that a lot of times, I think that in the spiritual world, I just, you know, I came from my my core energetics. Weekend, a lot of what I noticed, even in the corner Jetix community, which I love, is like, there’s a shaming of ego.
Unknown Speaker 23:40
Right? And I can proudly say that I have a lot of ego, it’s not always awesome, because my ego is shadowy, like, I can be just like a not nice person. And you need to have healthy ego, to be an entrepreneur and to put yourself out there and to really talk about yourself in a way that is,
Unknown Speaker 24:05
like you say, sharing your stories. And then conveying your value and saying, This is why you want to work with me, like that energy. This is why you want to work with me, that takes a lot of healthy ego, that a lot of people in spiritual communities,
Unknown Speaker 24:21
people who do healing work, people who do self work. That’s a place where I feel a lot of people pull back and activism to my activist, my social justice people like we’re you’re taught to not, it’s not about you. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And you know, in a way, it’s not right. It’s like it is about the person, it’s about centering the person, that you’re talking to your audience. And at the same time, you have to also convey your value. Right. And sometimes it’s because we’ve learned not to value ourselves. Right?
Unknown Speaker 25:00
because what we do feels easy to us. And so we’re kind of like, ah, is it really that special? This is a person that needs it, it is, you know, and we need to get really specific about, like, how it’s going to work for them, or how it’s worked for you, if, if sharing your story feels easier, this is how it worked for you. Right? And that’s doesn’t need that, it doesn’t mean that it, it’s a formula that’s in the works for somebody else, but maybe it might work for some people, you know,
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Unknown Speaker 25:32
I have a lot of thoughts on like, trying to organize them. I mean, I will say, you know, just from like, an astrology human design perspective, there are some of us who I’m putting myself in this category, like, it is easier for me to be vulnerable. And it is easier for me to be seen, right? Like, I have my son in the first house of self, like I like to be seen, I like to, you know, I’m a Taurus, and samen, you know, and human design, I have my identity identity center connected to my throat. And so when I speak, I’m sharing my truth, it’s like, very easy for me to be vulnerable, right. And so I do want to acknowledge that because depending on how your makeup is, it is a bit easier for some people, it can be a little bit harder for other people, which is, which is okay, you know, all of us have our unique magic that is meant to be shown and felt and different ways.
Unknown Speaker 26:29
But I think sometimes people see people like me, who is like, just okay with being on the internet, and they’re like, I could never do that. And it’s like, Well, part of it is innate, I do feel like, it’s part of how I’m wired. And part of that I had to learn how to do. And even in even then, sometimes when I get too much attention, I’m like, ooh, like, too much, you know, I’m like, I can feel myself like pulling back, right, because that’s the piece that I’m like, still working on.
Unknown Speaker 26:59
And then the other thing is that, like,
Unknown Speaker 27:03
I think this is the part that’s tricky is that creating content for your business is a skill. And the only way you build a skill is by practicing. And so, um, you know, I’m always like, yes, just make a lot of content. And then once you’re in the, like, the practice of like, making a lot of content, then I’m like, Okay, now we can get strategic with it. But at first you got to open the, you know, the floodgates or whatever, you got to open the, the water. Yeah, come out. And it’s not going to be that. And what I see is, I see people get stuck in that, like, just like, letting it flow out way, or in the like, No, I can’t, because it’s not perfect way. But it’s but it’s, it really is like a process. You know, I mean, it’s the same with yoga, like, if I I’m not gonna go straight from like, not doing yoga to doing a handstand or whatever, you know, I’m gonna go to some of the beginner yoga classes for a while, and I’m gonna show up before I get to that point.
Unknown Speaker 28:05
And it’s the same with like, being vulnerable online talking strategically about your offers. Sometimes it takes like you having to like, and I know, this is the case for me, like, the more that I explain it, the more I’m like, Oh, I think I get what I’m selling. Because
Unknown Speaker 28:21
18 ways. And so now I’ve gotten better at this, right? Yes, yes. And using your hose analogy, like I like that, because it really provides a nice visual, it’s like when you turn on the hose and it’s not been on for a while, like the water comes out like, right? It’s all kind of like spluttering all over the place. And then it takes some time, like you said, to get into the flow for me, like honestly, you know, with with the right people, I feel very comfortable being vulnerable online. It is fucking hard for me to be vulnerable. I, I come from an academic background, like I come from scientific writing, it is hard for me, like I learned to sort of use this artificially and this artificial and disembodied voice in my writing, and it’s still work for me to like, really, like, connect in my writing, because I’ve not I’ve not learned to do it that way. So that’s still a challenge for me. And I’m, you know, like, I’m in the process of shit, like practicing that. I’m also practicing like, Okay, well, how do I talk when I talk to my friends? Yeah, you know, I curse a lot, you know, and it’s okay, so I’m gonna curse more in my writing and, you know, then it’s like, Oh, is that really spiritual? And, you know, is that trauma sensitive? You know, all of that stuff, like all of these stories about like, how, how I should do it, how my all of the perfectionism and and the, the idealized self image as a business person comes in, right? Our socialization, our conditioning, what business looks like all of that
Unknown Speaker 30:00
It comes into.
Unknown Speaker 30:02
Yeah, the way I see it is that anything that we do that is causing us to not learn to trust ourselves more is not helpful. Yeah. Yes. Like, it should always be helping you build up that trust otherwise.
Unknown Speaker 30:22
It’s it’s doing more damage. Right. Yeah. And erodes, it actually erodes the self trust began. And so. And that’s not to say that we won’t feel like uncomfortable, like doing things. Sometimes it is through the discomfort that we develop that self trust. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 30:43
But, yeah, it’s so so anytime I’m like finding myself like trying to like fit in a box. And I’m like, Wait, this is causing me to not trust myself? Yeah, this is causing me to, to add more questions rather than like, you know, security? Yes, yes. And it’s like, like you said,
Unknown Speaker 31:01
growth and stretching, stretching your visibility muscle, or your sales muscle or your marketing muscle, or even your expression muscle, I’m really passionate about self expression, like having all sides of your personality come through, if you are somebody who posts on social media, or even if you just nurture your email list, can you really show up with all of your parts? Right, the parts that are maybe a little bit chewy, or the parts that are like, you know, I don’t know, maybe not not so savory. And really, like have those expressed to our, the part of you that’s like a total goofball. You know, that is that is about like, honoring all of your expression, and I feel like,
Unknown Speaker 31:45
kinda was a point I was gonna make about that.
Unknown Speaker 31:49
I lost it. Do you know, do you have a defined defined identity center Human Design? Do you know the G center?
Unknown Speaker 31:57
I don’t know, I know that. I haven’t like my, my head is not very undefined. So in human design, the G center is like the center of like, self expression. And so it’s interesting, as I’m hearing you talk, because people with an undefined G Center have this limitless way of expressing who they are.
Unknown Speaker 32:19
And then I have it defined. And so it’s interesting, because people with a defined identity center, we kind of tend to be more, like, more of the same and every space that we’re in. Yeah. And so it’s interesting to me, because I’m like, I feel like it to me, like I feel like I like myself. And um, for the most part, you know, except for the parts that I’m like, healing. I am that way in every space, you know? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Interesting. Because like, Yeah, I’m curious about that. Yes. And I, you know, I’m just gonna take a guess and say that it’s not defined. And it’s not defined, because even as a child, I had the feeling of being very different with different people. And people, I get that feedback to like, oh, how you show up a line is very different than how you show up and in your relationships. It’s true, like, and I used to think as a kid that I was like, there was something wrong with me, because I was, I felt so different, like, different parts of me would be expressed in different relationships. Yeah, and that’s totally, it’s totally correct. For people with an undefined G center, you know, like, you are like, that’s one of your gifts. You’re kind of meant to be a chameleon. But the societal message that we get is like, No, you should be sure of yourself, you should be the same in every space. You know, you should, you should, you should. Yeah. So it’s so this is how even like human design plays into our marketing, right?
Unknown Speaker 33:43
Like, what are the ways in which we were told we like have to be, but you know, like, I’ll work with a client that you know, has an undefined, G center. And they’re like, I don’t really want to brand myself and like one way and I’m like, then don’t, like, feel good to you. Yeah, what do we do? You know, you still need to have some systems and you still need to have a clear way of letting people know what you do.
Unknown Speaker 34:11
But it might be that you have like three podcasts. And that’s correct for you. I you know, every time you bring in the Human Design piece, it just, I just feel my system relaxing. I just feel I feel like it gives me and I believe it gives people such permission to fucking do it their own way. Yes, really be themselves and to not be questioning themselves, right? Because when you’re out of that questioning space, when you kind of know like, oh, yeah, I have an undefined G center. I need like, it gives you permission to be like, I can be Oh, all sorts of ways. Right? Then your consistency is going to look inconsistent. Right from right from one reel to another. It’s going
Unknown Speaker 35:00
Look in consistence. But that’s that’s your consistency. Yeah, right versus somebody else who’s consistency? Looks more, like, more similar each time. Totally. Yeah, that’s I feel like that is it blows my mind every time you sort of bring that piece in, I’m just like, Yeah, wow. Right, because I’m, I’m not an expert on human design, I like it. But I only know sort of a very surface level of it. And I, you know, even learning that I was in many Jenny, I used to try to force things I used to get so frustrated, right, but like, I want it to happen now. And then I was like, oh, all I have to do is just fucking lean back and wait. And then like, observe and then like, you know, take action when I saw, like, a certain number of things coming into my field, and then boom, and I was like, Oh, that’s easy. You know? Okay, so it’s not on my timeline, but I can deal with that. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 35:56
And that is, you know, Karen curry Parker, who’s one of kind of like, the big Human Design coaches. Something that I thought that she said, That blew my mind is that, you know, most human design types are meant to wait. Yet we live in a world that doesn’t, teachers, doesn’t teach us how to wait to like, go and get it in the mind, mindset, your show up to the mindset called make yourself do it, you know, and, and really, for me, what has brought me so much peace in my business is getting a part time job when I needed one, so that I could wait, so that I could like, trust myself and get to know, you know, like, how I show up and when something feels good, and when something doesn’t. So yeah, so 2021 I, like went back to work with my dad part time, and it was like, the best thing and now in retrospect, I’m like, Yeah, I was waiting. I needed like, some piece so that I could wait.
Unknown Speaker 36:54
And most of us need to wait. So it’s, it can be hard to sell business stuff, when it’s not riding on the wave of like black Friday’s coming up. What’s your sale? Like? What’s you know, like? December’s a huge sales month, like, what are you? You know, it’s like, hard to like, hop off that train. But, you know, the path is really beautiful. Once you do, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 37:20
Yeah. Oh, such a good conversation by me. Thank you. So do you want to share a little bit about what you’re going to be bringing to harmonize so that people know? Yes. So actually, sorry, hold on. Let me pull up real quick.
Unknown Speaker 37:38
The Excel file? Yeah. This is helpful.
Unknown Speaker 37:46
Okay, so do you want to ask me again? No, you can just like cut this part out? Oh, no, it’s okay. But just
Unknown Speaker 37:54
yeah, like, what, what are you going to be bringing to harmonize? Like, what are people going to be getting? If so, Brian? Yeah. So for me, you know, my background is in brand strategy and business systems. I have a past life as a graphic designer, and became really interested in like coaching people about their branding, when I realized that the things that they were like asking for was really like, how do I trust my voice? How do I like fall in love with what I’m selling? How do I show up even when it’s, you know, scary, and it had nothing to do with design? And so because of that, I started getting into leadership coaching and mindset coaching, because I was like, okay, great, you’re gonna have a beautiful new website, what are you going to do next? Like, a website is like a beautiful house, nobody’s gonna show up unless you invite them. So how are we inviting people, right?
Unknown Speaker 38:47
So I’m bringing that brand strategy, business perspective. And really what you know what my gift is to help people simplify and build systems. I’m like, I’m a very Torian person. I’m very much about the like, foundation. And what I find often especially working with, like healing type people, or like Creatives or people who are like, so into their vision is that I can help ground them and say, okay, here are the systems that we need to build. And so for the first month of harmonized, you know, we’re really focusing on creating an offer. So for people to create an offer of something that like, maybe they’ve been wanting to create, but I’ve been feeling a little scared of what other people will think. I know, for me, it was a huge shift when when I went from designing, so handing people like a physical thing to strategy, because I’m like, now you’re just paying me to talk. Like, that’s so weird. That’s not what I was trained to do. So helping people really connect with who they are and creating that offer. Yeah. And then the second month, we’re really going to be focused on more of the like, marketing piece of it, right. So like, how do you talk about your offer? No.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
way that represents to you, but also that honors the person that you’re trying to invite into your offer, like So really getting to know like, you know, who are they? And what problem are you solving for them? And how can we communicate this in a way where people understand what it is.
Unknown Speaker 40:17
And here is one of my favorite things to do. I think this is where my projector nuts really shines, because it’s really easy for me to like, hear somebody talk about something. And I’m like, oh, okay, what if we said it like this? Or what if you weren’t at it this way? Or like, it’s still too confusing. You’re talking about a level 10? And your audience? Is that a level three? Like we need to?
Unknown Speaker 40:37
Yes, I remember being on a console call with you. And that being the most, most important thing I needed to hear. And that can be really hard. You know, like, if you studied something for a long time, or like, are really passionate about it, like you just don’t know, what people at the beginning of the journey? Like don’t know. Yeah, yeah. So that’s, it’s beautiful to work with a consultant, specially if they’re not familiar with your thing, because I’m like, if you can explain it to me, I can help you explain it. But if I don’t get it, then it’s gonna be hard to like, translate it. Yeah, exactly. And then the last part, the last month is really going to be about showing up for your offer. Right? So how do you promote something enough time so that people see it? Yeah, do you know get to know it? What type of decision makers are there? And like, have the time to decide if that’s the thing that they want? And how to keep showing up? Even when shit starts to feel really scary? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 41:38
Yeah. And I find that, you know, I know that when I’m
Unknown Speaker 41:43
inevitably like, our lives get in the way, right? I know that from the, from the back end perspective of business. Like when you’re doing a launch, like your life doesn’t stop, like, you may be going through a breakup or your child gets sick, or you get sick, right? COVID there’s always stuff that’s blowing up, how can we continue to show up in a way that feels congruent that is, like, gentle with, like, honors your body. And also, like, helps you continue doing the thing, without blowing yourself out without overwhelming or without overwhelming yourself or reducing the overwhelm significantly? And how can you create systems that support you? Right? Like, you know, like, like, a big thing that I like to do is I like to do one Instagram post with all the details. Yeah. And so even if I don’t feel like making content, I’m like, just re sharing this post, right? So how can you create systems so that your life can fall apart? And things are still running?
Unknown Speaker 42:47
Things are still happening, that aren’t dependent on you being 100%? Every day? Yes, yes. That is amazing. That
Unknown Speaker 42:58
Oh, sorry. That is so for me, that is so revolutionary, because I think that oftentimes, I say we, I mean, I have done this in the past, and a lot of people do this is that we, we make it more complicated than it needs to be like we have we sort of like think our way into these knots. And we don’t give ourselves permission to say like, oh, well, I’ll just I’ll repurpose my content. Or I’ll just have that one post and share multiple times when like, oh, no, it has to be new content all the time or not people, people are over loaded with information. They can see it a couple of times, like it’s okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, it is. And I forget what the exact quote is, but it’s like
Unknown Speaker 43:45
it’s from the book atomic habits, which is just talking about like building up habits and it’s like, it’s something like we can only rise to the level of our systems are something but it really that’s what it is like your systems, if you have a system for things
Unknown Speaker 44:00
then you can like ride on those systems. And you know, coming from like, this very, like spiritual creative person. Like, I really love the idea of non having systems because I thought it would make it would feel free, like, oh, yeah, I can just say whatever. But actually, I have learned that like having structures like really helpful.
Unknown Speaker 44:24
Right, and the degree of structure you’ll need will depend right? Also on your human design, on your preferences, all of those things. Again, finding that middle ground between too many systems, and what’s too fluid, right, like, what do I need and even what you need in different seasons of life will change? Absolutely, absolutely. Right. Just how there are boundaries change based on like, moment to moment. Sometimes if we’re tired, our boundaries will look differently than when we’re feeling really nourished and really full. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 45:00
Do you want to share a little bit about what you’ll be bringing into this? Briefly briefly,
Unknown Speaker 45:06
my back end, I like to simplify my back end systems. And I, you know, I wrote an email where I posted the other day about like, yeah, like I, I can teach you so much about trauma, and about like, emotions. And like, I could, like, I could do a whole four year training program on that. What I’ve used in my business is actually very simple, right? It is a mindset that like, that allows me to move with and process and, like release emotions, right, like just waking up in the morning and tuning in and knowing like, oh, I need to, yep, I need to move my body because I need to clear space so that I can, like, be create.
Unknown Speaker 45:51
Right, so my back end systems, our emotional fluency, mindset, both both abundance mindset, like mindset that is like, blocking out, like all the collective trauma, shit, like the six basic, you know, are typical collective trauma thoughts, we tend to have right, like six categories. So I keep it really simple. Like, I have categories, I have buckets, like, oh, you fit in one of the buckets, okay, you need to leave, I’m gonna replace you with something else that feels better to my system that feels like that is actually aligned to what I want to be doing and how I want to be showing up. So there’s emotional fluency, mindset, and pleasure. You know, pleasure isn’t like a fluffy thing that I talked about pleasure is really like, but nervous system soothing, is about like, just relaxing your body enough so that you are out of overwhelm, or that you know, if you rest when you need to rest, you know, it is, it is like, after you do a courageous thing, let’s say you, you went live on social media, and you went live on Instagram, for example, and you said a thing that you’ve been wanting to say, but that felt super fucking high risk for you, you’re gonna want to get off that call. And you’re gonna want to be like, really nice to yourself, like, maybe take a walk in a garden. You know, if it’s nice outside, and there’s flowers, like, you know, just do something really nice for self to sue their system, like reward yourself, when you show up courageously like that, it can be so simple. And if you’re, if you have a long day of work ahead of you, maybe pleasure looks like having some flowers,
Unknown Speaker 47:33
putting a really soft blanket on your legs and having your favorite tea, making it beautiful for you making it like lovely, you know, so can be really lazy, simple things to really, like systemically supportive, nervous system things, right, that actually, like reduce the intensity of the anxiety that can come up after doing something big, you know, ya know? And that’s like, I feel like it’s even just redirecting the way that we think about it, you know, because I mean, especially like the immigrant kind of narrative of, like, I’m meant to, like, force this thing through. We’re on. Right, right. Exactly. Seven days a week. Yeah. And it’s even just like a shift between like, you know, what, I only have two hours worth of work today, I’m not gonna force myself to be on the computer for eight. Just because I think I should, you know, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 48:28
Yeah, exactly, exactly. This was such a good conversation, I’m just sort of like, looking at my looking at my notes, I feel like we, we really covered a nice
Unknown Speaker 48:43
a nice landscape, we gave people a really nice idea of, of how, like, all of the nuance, right, that the human complexity, that is part of business and how, right there’s, there’s this systems, front end systems and back end systems that, like we can marry and adjust to build a sustainable business because, right, like, it’s all about longevity, sustainability, and really, like, making it easy for us to continue showing up in devotion to our mission, to our business to really like, like you say, creating the world that we want to live in through our business and our business practices. Yeah. And you know, and to me, it’s like, I am the framework process Queen like I will make you all the spreadsheets, you want a spreadsheet to like plan out your money or your content or whatever. You but it’s yeah, it’s not about that. Yeah, right. Like there. It’s a little about that and a little bit about intuition, but mostly about people learning to trust themselves. Yeah. And that’s what we hope people get out of this container. It’s not
Unknown Speaker 49:57
it is a very
Unknown Speaker 49:59
Unknown Speaker 50:00
The value will stay with you because that practice of getting to trust yourself and getting to be in devotion to yourself and to your business will carry on no matter what you do exactly like they’re getting practices. They’re getting practices that, you know, after the three months together, just continuing to practice that is going to build their system over time and is going to allow them to scale and grow their business over time. Yes, yeah. So excited about this. Thank you so much by me. Thank you.
Unknown Speaker 50:36
Thank you for listening to today’s episode. Remember to hit the subscribe button to get notified of new episodes dropping on the new and full moons of each month. And if you haven’t already, leave us a five star review on iTunes to make sure that everyone who needs this transmission receives it. Until the next episode I’m sending you fierce, fierce love