Isha Vela 0:00
Welcome to Devotional Anarchy, a podcast about intimate embodied leadership that is radically human, honest AF and thereby inherently disruptive to systems of disempowerment and disconnection. I am Isha Vela, trauma psychologist, certified somatic intimacy Alchemist, wealth wizard, shadow doula, love anarchist, intuitive channel and sovereign business coach. You’re here because you know intimate self connection is the source of everything you want to create in life. And that building safety and trust in your own body is what allows you to fully own and steward your energy and your relationships. Get ready to explore attachments, sexuality, spirituality, self expression, and sovereignty and other relational themes from a trauma responsive somatic energetic lens. The conversations and tools shared in this podcast are designed to offer permission to create the abundant life, love and business that lights your soul on fire.
Unknown Speaker 1:03
Hello, and welcome to season three of the Devotional Anarchy Podcast! I am so excited for season three, you know, each each season, this podcast, this space gets deeper, it gets more intimate, it gets more real. So I’m really appreciating that because I took a break in December, and
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is good to take a break. And I missed it, I missed it. Because this is a space where I allow myself to get more intimate than in any other place. And then the other public place like, you know, social media with its little mini soundbite and scrolling kind of culture. I don’t really like allow myself to go deep. I don’t feel like going that deep. There’s like little pieces. But this is a place where I can really drop in, in depth. And with as much time as I want. Right. So there’s something about that that is like really nice for my nervous system.
Unknown Speaker 2:09
Yeah, so I’m really appreciating the space. And I’m appreciating you as a listener listening, this is really, really important to me to get just this, this energy at this information this permission out there. So like I said, I took a break. And I usually take a break at the end of the year to celebrate Celebrate the ways that I showed up for for myself and for other people in the year like showed up for my business, all this stuff. But I didn’t feel like celebrating very much. In fact, the end of the year ended up being a continuation of 2022, which was like massive identity shifts and shadow work. And I got COVID again. So I felt even slower and needing to preserve as much energy as possible.
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And, you know, I want to
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I want to be like in full disclosure, like when I work with intimacy mentoring with couples.
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I often invite people to like to express like, how are you coming into this conversation? Like, what are you bringing with you into this conversation? And I want to say I want to walk that talk and say that
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I’m holding a little bit of anxiety, because I’ve recorded this podcast, no joke, four times, like the whole thing through four times. The first three times didn’t record Well, there was something about the sound that was off, like it just was garbled, you couldn’t understand anything. And the fourth time yesterday, there’s a whole section that I skipped by mistake. And I’m just feeling like each time I’m feeling frustrated about that. And at the same time, I know that each time that I record it, this usually never happens. But this time, it feels really important because each time it gets deeper and realer. So so you’re getting the best version of this right now. And this episode is about embracing evolution in your relationships, whether again, those relationships are business related or romantically related, it doesn’t matter because it’s really about the intimacy work and how that flows into every single relationship in your life, including the one with yourself. And
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as part of embracing evolution, you’ve probably noticed that I rebranded a little bit. You know, and we’re talking about how internal change affects your relationships. And I’m going to be offering emotional and practical ways to navigate the pivots that you know are
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are constantly happening. So I’ll start by sharing that, you know, like I said, 2022 was a lot of identity shifts and shadow work. And on top of that,
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in October, the end of October, I felt myself slowing down, I found myself slowing down sort of mid October already. And,
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and specifically went Mars went into retrograde, I’m Aries rising. So like, you know, Mars is is, is, is in my chart pretty significantly. And I just felt like I am in this deep,
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grind, crone phase like I’m shifting out of perhaps the mother archetype
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into crone phase. And that’s partly like, you know, because of my age, and I’m just feeling like very much. I’m on the inside of a cocoon, sort of in this meltdown phase. And it’s not, it doesn’t feel extreme. And obviously, I’m able to show up and launch things and do whatever I need to do. But there is a sense of very, like a deep rumbling, quiet in me. And the way that I visualize it in my head, I feel like I’m crawling underneath the earth, I feel like I’m moving. But it feels like a slow subterranean crawl. So that’s it, it’s feeling like, and so, as all of this was, like, began to get set in motion.
Unknown Speaker 6:38
You know, I was rebranding my website, I was redoing my website, I opened up a Facebook group, and, you know, for, for business coaching. And I added business coaching to the list of services, which I launched at the in during the fall, and just into the winter.
Unknown Speaker 6:58
And so I was I was, as I was redoing my website, I was remarking that it had only been a year since I had redone my website, like, just in December of last year, I had come out with new services. And here I was like, like, hadn’t even a year, not even a year had passed. And I was doing it again. And
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so I was just like, wow, like,
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I, I haven’t turned things over that quickly. In my life usually, like, Yes, I’m always constantly evolving, it’s always moving. I’m pivoting and shifting, right. Like, this is sort of what we need to get good at as, as, you know, business owners, and, and in our relationships, we are always shifting and moving, but I just never had had it happen so fast. And so then at the beginning of December, on top of all of that, I was invited to become a partner in a colleague’s financial planning firm, with the intention to offer trauma informed social justice oriented planning services for people. And there’s a whole backstory on that that I want to share with you. But I’ll share with you on a future episode. The point is here that I said yes to the opportunity, it was something that I I was really desiring very strongly. And, and I also noticed that I had a lot of mental doubts and fears about about sharing it publicly, like going coming out with it. And I had mostly concerns about what other people would think about my business and how I conduct myself in it.
Unknown Speaker 8:40
Specifically, I had fears that people would think I’m superficial because I’m just focusing on money, even though my heart is so much
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people, like everyday people, average income people to build incredible wealth within their lifetime and to build a legacy for their children for their offspring. That is my heart right? So I know this and yet I could feel or notice that fear story running. I also was afraid that people would think that I couldn’t hack it in my regular job in my coaching jobs. So I sold out and just like, you know, got this other job, you know, like, and I know that’s not true even saying it now makes me laugh because I’m I’m still selling and continuing to offer the services I already provide.
Unknown Speaker 9:42
And there was another fear thought that I was like, This is not a word I usually use but it’s a fun word to say it’s diligent like that. I’m just sort of job hopping that I can’t like really anchor down that I’m ungrounded right like this judgment that I’m ungrounded with that have sold out right um,
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But again, coming back into the truth that I’m really following my passion, like, I think that
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the way we relate to money is really, really profound, it is not superficial at all. And it has the power to really change how we buy things, how we consume, how we care for things.
Unknown Speaker 10:25
You know, it just has much bigger ramifications then, which I’m going to be getting into into that another episode with. But yeah, it has much, much deeper ramifications for me. So but I had all these, like fears that like people wouldn’t get it right, ultimately, that I wouldn’t, they wouldn’t see the whole thread.
Unknown Speaker 10:47
And it also got me thinking about, like, how we, how we lead in our relationships, right? Like, if you are an embodied leader,
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we lead in our relationships and in our businesses, basically, from the assumption that we’re always evolving, right? If you’re a transformation agent, you’re always evolving, and nothing stays the same. And that’s pretty fucking vulnerable. When you think about it. As much as we lead, as much as we are in the role of leading, we’re also being led, right, like, we are being pulled into experiences that transform us. And we’ve probably, you know, because we often teach from the places we got hurt, your transformation has been part of the medicine you now offer. And you know, right? Because you do the work that you do that change doesn’t stop, we are constantly moving. The planets are constantly moving movement is the only constant. And if you’re open if you’re willing to co create with life, which is right, willingness is the yes in your body. And resistance is our no resistance is just fear. It’s the place where we’re like, Ah, no, hold up. I don’t know about that. Right? So if you’re open, if you’re willing to co create with life, if you’re willing to be transformed, you’re also going to move internally. That’s just a given. And I want to add to that, the bigger your yes, the more Yes, you have in your body.
Unknown Speaker 12:21
The faster the transformation happens, right. And I think that, you know, I work constantly on creating more Yes, in my body and less resistance. And it’s like, I’m seeing that this year, more than ever, like things are starting to like manifestation is happening very, very quickly, like very short, short time periods. I’m sure you’ve been noticing that too. You know, and sometimes we seek out change in very specific ways, right? We like we move towards transformation with intentionality, maybe we hire a coach, or maybe we recognize patterns that we need to we know we need to shift and we, you know, we do the things that like, get us there.
Unknown Speaker 13:05
But a lot of times, like change finds you, life will create the conditions for major internal upheaval. And sometimes we don’t want it right, because I think at a very deep human level, we fear change. Our nervous systems want things to stay the same, and you just feel safer that way.
Unknown Speaker 13:27
And at the very least, like the illusion of sameness, is comforting at some level. And that’s why we get rocked when cataclysmic events come into our lives, because there’s a part of us that’s wanting to push away the idea or the reality that everything changes. Why is that? Well, because moving internally involves a death process. Right? Changing your patterns involves a death process, an ego death process. And our ego is really rarely up for that.
Unknown Speaker 14:03
Doesn’t like that. So it can feel really scary, it can feel painful. There’s a lot of unknown we don’t know what life is gonna look like on the other side of that transformation. We don’t know who we’re going to be on the other side of that transformation. I’m speaking very much from like where I am right now in this in this cocoon.
Unknown Speaker 14:27
Phase, right so it’s like it can be Yeah, like even though there’s there’s rebirth and reclamation after the death, right? We know that to be true. You’ve already experienced that once, twice, three times, but it is still quite terrorizing, to be in that chrysalis meltdown of the caterpillar to butterfly process. And, you know, honestly, when parts of you die
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there are phases that I wouldn’t I don’t
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Want to say require but that are probably best cared for with some good grief and mourning, right, like some nice goodbye ritual you want to make, you want to make space for the parts of you that are that are shedding.
Unknown Speaker 15:19
So that you can really welcome the parts that are in, you know, that are being reclaimed, right, there’s something very powerful about creating ritual and ceremony and it doesn’t have to be complicated, but
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can be as simple as lighting a candle, and saying a prayer or moving your body to a piece of music that, you know, that resonates. Or it can be big, like, you know, having a huge bonfire inviting, you know, 30 of your best friends to like to do something together.
Unknown Speaker 15:51
But, um, but I think that’s it’s really important to honor to witness to recognize that this change is happening as part of embracing evolution. And so now I want to shift into a little bit of the relational piece, and then I’m going to talk about the business piece.
Unknown Speaker 16:13
So relationship wise, you know, ideally, we like to believe that and be liked, like, I don’t know, when I think about my ideal relationship, I would want a relationship where, you know, the person that I’m with, or the people that I’m with are very much embracing their evolution really wanting to grow together, evolve together, or make space for all the changes that are happening. And the way that I like to approach people in my life. Whether I’m romantically involved with them or not, is that
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I like to experience him as brand new, from the assumption that, because everyone is always changing, or especially the people that I’m around are, you know, evolutionary agents is you are,
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that who they were yesterday is not who they are today. So the when I encounter them today, even though I encountered them yesterday, I’m encountering them with curiosity, and newness, or beginner’s eyes, versus a narrative that I have about them, right? Just the same way you want to be witnessed, when you are, when you’ve experienced a lot of rapid change, you want to be seen in that change, and not, and not have people interact with you with an old, like an old version of yourself, right. So it’s like, I want to offer the people that I’m in connection with that same grace that I want for myself that I want to be seen with, right. So
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inviting you here to like, stay curious and adjust to the changes like in your partnerships, right. And sometimes, even though you may have the intention of growing together
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some that sometimes the ways we change, especially if those changes are, you know, maybe there’s things that happen,
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that were life happens versus the change that we’re intentionally seeking out, sometimes changes grow us in different directions, as you know, and those changes become kind of non negotiable for the relationship and the and the relationship becomes no longer viable.
Unknown Speaker 18:31
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there are death processes that, that occur in relationship, that don’t necessarily mean that the relationship has ended. For example, I’ve known people who have been married for a very, very, very long time, let’s say 34 years, but who have experienced different versions of their marriage within their marriage. So like sub marriages, or sub relationships within their relationship. And it’s because, you know, at some point, they realized, this person that I married is no longer the person that I married, or this person that I’m with right now, it’s no longer the person that I married. And it’s like, it’s really invited them into like,
Unknown Speaker 19:18
not a renewal of vows or anything like that, although you can do that, but just this recognition that that version of our relationship is dying or has died. And here we are, in a renaissance are in a new phase.
Unknown Speaker 19:33
And of course, you know, um,
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you know, when you when a relationship is no longer viable, it may mean that
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you end the relationship and you don’t see that person again. But often, there is an opportunity to shift the form and shape of the relationship. Maybe you go from, you know, being romantically connected to becoming business partners or
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It can be as simple as
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shifting from, you know, a marriage into a co parenting relationship or a friendship.
Unknown Speaker 20:09
Maybe it is a friendship that transitions into a some good co parenting, like maybe you decide to have a baby together, you know, who knows, but it’s, um, you know, sometimes we just grow in those different directions and the relationship doesn’t end. But the version of the relationship ends and a new one is allowed to form.
Unknown Speaker 20:34
Yeah, and what I want to say to that is that, you know, there, I noticed the part of me and my friendships, because I really, really value friendships a lot. And there’s a part of me that likes to believe that when somebody’s in my life, that they’re just gonna be in my life for a really long time. Because, right, like, maybe the relationship has a particular depth to it, maybe, you know, I just have this feeling like, oh, it’s gonna be just as strong and deep as always, and if there’s anything that this year has taught me is that it’s so much more complicated than that it’s more complex. And that I was just surprised. I’ve been surprised, not always in a delighted way of the directions that some of my relationships have taken, like people that I thought would be in my life for a long time have just, like gone away.
Unknown Speaker 21:27
And then people who have had in my life for a long time, who I don’t have such a deep relationship with, have been in my life for a long time, and have been there in really important moments. Like, there isn’t a lot of like, maybe emotional connection, but they have been with me, in moments where I’ve, like, had like that emergency friend, where it’s like, Oh, my God, you’re getting me out of the shittiest situation right now, thank you for being here, kind of friendship. So I’m always surprised, sometimes in a delighted way, sometimes not it by the direction some relationships take.
Unknown Speaker 22:03
So I want to shift into the business piece.
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I’m still recovering from COVID.
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Sometimes, when you experience a lot of
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you may feel the need to rebrand, you may feel the need to pivot, you may feel the need to, I don’t know, burn down part of your business or remove services or add new ones, right. And this can bring up a lot of feels like I was sharing sort of from my personal experience before is that we fear losing people we fear, confusing people we fear people aren’t gonna get it, right. They’re not going to stay attached to us, they’re going to be like, What is this bitch doing by you know, and
Unknown Speaker 23:03
I want to invite you into trusting just as you would in a relationship of if a relationship dissolves. I want you to trust that as you’re shifting, you may be doing the letting go on one end. But you will be also trusting that you when you are attracting or inviting in people that are more aligned to this new version of you, right, as you open up new space, it’s kind of like Oh, more to see new people coming in right to trust that is part of the process, right? Like letting go coming in door closes door opens kind of thing.
Unknown Speaker 23:41
Yeah, we want to be understood, we want to be seen, obviously, like from a very deep human level. And as business owners, right, we have services to sell. And it’s important that people get what we’re selling. And we might feel tempted to want to explain why the change is happening, which is fine. If you want to do that. If it feels relevant to something you’re selling, or if it’s something you’re really excited about sharing, then why not share it right? There is no hard and fast rule. But the truth is that most of the time, people don’t care that much. People just care. Is it relevant to me? How does this affect me? How does this impact me? So as long as like, just focus on that and don’t get too caught up in? You know, like, whether or not people get it because the people who get you really get you. They’re gonna get it. They’re the like, the frickin loyal people. The the diehards, you know, because they see a core aspect of you, that is really rare, right? That that people are able to sort of tap into sort of that depth. And the people who don’t access that depth or can’t, they won’t get it. That’s okay.
Unknown Speaker 25:00
Hey, you’re not here to convince anybody, you’re not here to hustle for your worth, or your legitimacy. What you are here to do is to express your wholeness, right? Like,
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the thing that is lighting you up right now show up with that, right and give other people the permission to express that part of themselves as well. Right? Whatever you’re showing up with, if it’s something that brings you joy, that brings you passionate that like, just blows your head out, because you’re so excited about it, show up with that, that is enough, that gives people like, regardless of what it is, that gives people permission to express those parts of themselves, right. And business, as I said before, is all about relationships. As you evolve, and change and shift. There will be people who leave you who gracefully exit your life stage left, and there will be people who come in to maybe replace those people, maybe more people come in, right, you don’t know that. And of course, there’ll be people who are always there, but people who get it. And maybe they’re extra forgiving or open to change, or maybe they’re going through similar processes, you don’t know that right? So don’t concern yourself with any of that, that is not your job to manage. Right, your job is to be you. Just you. And I know it’s hard. It’s easier said than done. Because we are attachment beings, because relationships do matter to our survival. And this is just not one of those moments to focus on that this is a full a moment to come back to the truth of like, No, this is really what I want. Or, yeah, this is something that I value to come back to that wisdom to that intuitive knowing of like, Yeah, this is something that’s really important to me, of course, I’m going to do this, right.
Unknown Speaker 26:57
So it’s important that you honor the changes that are happening within you, and how those are going to shift your needs and desires. Right? When I say honoring the changes, it’s about just giving them permission to be oftentimes we like, we sort of hold back, we’re like, Oh, but I can’t come out with this, I gotta keep doing the same thing, because that’s paying the bills. And, you know, and so we, we don’t, we don’t come out with it, because we fear alienating.
Unknown Speaker 27:28
And we, you know, I talk a lot about needs and desires. Really, really important because needs and desires are at the very core of our humanity. And it’s what we need to be in touch with, at all times in order to maintain and move towards our sovereignty, right, like sovereignty, embodying sovereignty is a lifelong journey. And you want to maintain the sovereignty that you’ve worked to create in your life. And as you move towards, like more of your energetic leadership and sovereignty, you want to be in touch from moment to moment,
Unknown Speaker 28:05
with your needs and desires, right, because your needs and desires will affect how you steward your energy full stop, it will affect how you prioritize things in your life, right people activities, right? Self, it will affect your boundaries, obviously, right with your priorities. And it will affect where, where you focus your energy, with whom you focus, your energy, and how you show up. So
Unknown Speaker 28:36
again, the reason we often run into problems or impasse is is that we’re not being totally honest with ourselves, about what we need, or what we want. Because we tell ourselves, we can’t have the thing we need, or we don’t give ourselves permission to give it to ourselves, right? Because we there’s an override of some conditioned way of being right, some traumatized way of being, or we tell ourselves, it’s impossible we can’t possibly have that we don’t have the permission to ask for what we want, right? All of these reasons. But you are ultimately the permission giver, you ultimately make up all the rules. You get to shape your relationships, you get to shape your business, you get to shape all aspects of your life, you get to co create your life, with your needs and desires. And true leadership is about finding your own path. trusting yourself in it, even if it doesn’t look like anybody else’s. Even when people don’t get it, you know, holding yourself to the fear of when people don’t get it and honoring the grief process that is often important. Maybe not required, but important as part of getting to acceptance that not everybody’s going to come with you.
Unknown Speaker 29:56
So that’s it. This is this episode has been
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about embracing evolution, embracing change,
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really sort of rolling with what is and allowing your relationships and your businesses to just shift along with what’s going and just giving that permission to move because things are moving anyway.
Unknown Speaker 30:22
I am so excited to be back with you for season three. Like I said, it’s going to be a really exciting season. We’re going to go deeper, we’re going to go truer, it’s going to be even more powerful than in years past. So I’m really excited to to do that with you. And thank you again for listening. Wow.
Unknown Speaker 30:43
Thank you for listening to today’s episode. Remember to hit the subscribe button to get notified of new episodes dropping on the new and full moons of each month. And if you haven’t already, leave us a five star review on iTunes to make sure that everyone who needs this transmission receives it. Until the next episode I’m sending you fierce fierce love
Transcribed by https://otter.ai