4.15 | Waking TF Up to Crone Wisdom with Amy Lorbati (Part 1 of 2)
Welcome to Devotional Anarchy, a podcast about intimate embodied leadership that is radically human, honest AF and thereby inherently disruptive to systems of disempowerment and disconnection. I’m Isha Vela, trauma psychologists, certified somatic practitioner, wealth wizard, licensed financial professional leadership coach, and intuitive business mentor. You’re here because you know self intimacy and self knowledge is the source of everything you want to create in your life. And that building safety and trust in your bodies would allows you to fully own and stored your energy in the direction of your desires. This season, get ready for deep dives into wealth building spirituality, emotional leadership, and human centered business with an activist twist. The conversations and tools shared in this podcast are your permission slip to manifest a life and business that lights your soul on fire and supports collective liberation.
Amy Lorbati talks about crone wisdom on this podcast
Are you ready to receive this transmission? Because this conversation, was a whole channeling session, I invited Amy Lorbati on the podcast to talk about crone wisdom because she’s the only witch I know who speaks purely in archetypes. As the self proclaimed Horacle and CEO of the fempire known as Witch Bitch Whorehouse, Amy is 100% truth, ah, 100% of the time, and is on a holy fire mission to wake women the fuck up into their power. And Crone energy was coming through very strongly when I invited her on the podcast. It was basically like, screaming to me from the collective. And, yeah, I wanted us to offer younger, spiritual women and femmes a preview of what’s to come. Kind of a heads up. And with respect to the Crone archetype, there are some people out there that argue that crone doesn’t come until a much later stage in life, that there’s a stage between mother and Crone. But because we are entering higher timelines, I don’t really subscribe to age as much as I do the cosmic and collective unfolding we’ve been seeing since 2020, like the accelerated timeline. And this conversation is all about awakening at new levels and about dark nights of the soul in your business, it’s about menopause. It’s about changing your mind and showing up messy in the face of grief and loss. It’s about how aging affects how you see yourself, how you’re seen by others, and how you decide to use your voice. So, are you ready to drop in? Let’s freaking do this.
Amy says Jesus candles are powerful and underutilized
All right, y’all, you’re in for a treat today. So, Amy just lit a, Jesus candle that she got from where?
>> Amy Lorbati: The mexican section of the grocery store on which mountainous $1.99 the best deal.
>> Isha Vela: He can be a cheap witch.
>> Amy Lorbati: Also, Jesus candles are extremely powerful, and they are very underestimated and underutilized.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And I’m, basically just for anybody who’s listening, who cares, I call any candle that comes in a glass, you know, jar, like catholic candles, any. Any kind of religious candle for me is a Jesus candle, whether Jesus is on it or not.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, yes. Because. Because I love all the. I love the chango ones. I love all of those. Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: It’s all Jesus. I mean, they’re all Jesus candles. I know can be on it. It doesn’t matter to me. but I really. There’s a song, alpha Blondie has a song called come back Jesus, which you have to listen to. It’s one of the most beautiful songs ever. And I’m like, if there was ever a time that Jesus really did need to come back or, you know, find feminine, like, you know what? you know, she’s back. You know, I don’t know what the second coming is, but we need it right now. Right. I’m going to light Jesus candles and just say, please, if anyone’s listening, wake us the fuck up. The fastest possible, please.
>> Isha Vela: And I think, I mean, isn’t that what we’ve been going through? Like a. Like a. Like a sped up motherfucking awakening? Like, I feel like I’ve just been on, like, the fast track to that type of.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, I mean, to me, I mean, look, there’s been many moments in time that have been massive wake up calls, but I feel like, you know, the. The passing of George Floyd, the killing of George Floyd was. Was a boom in. In a wake up call, which I think was in the. Was it in the pandemic?
>> Isha Vela: It was. It was the end of May 2020.
>> Amy Lorbati: Okay? So it was right as we went, right as we were all going into the pandemic, so. Pandemic boom, right? George Floyd, that was, like, global away.
>> Isha Vela: It was an accelerator.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, an accelerator. That was like, everybody was like, oh, shit, I’m racist and I didn’t know it. Let me handle my shit real quick. I thought I knew what was up. Like, you find out you’re white. Oh, I didn’t notice until now. Right. Like, at least for me. I mean, it was. I’ve had many awakenings, but it feels like we are in a very accelerated period of awakening.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: I would say. I mean, every election that we’ve had in the United States in the last few years has been, like, what? You know, to look at what’s happening in the United States? It’s like you guys thought we had it together. Who’s in charge? Nobody.
>> Isha Vela: Nobody. I guess it’s us.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, I guess it’s us. And I just feel like there’s been different awakenings for people to come if you’re. If you’re in it. And I think that also there’s a mass delusion, which I certainly have been in, and am, also in. Like, we’re never not in a mass delusion, I think, you know, if we’re part of humanity. But I think it’s also a huge awakening and we can talk about some of this.
Today is 50 days since I have drunk alcohol, which is huge for me
Today is 50 days that I have not drunk motherfucking alcohol, which is huge for me.
>> Amy Lorbati: I was a wine witchen, you know.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: I learned how to drink in the entertainment industry and I kept on drinking, you know, and it is an anesthesia, you, know, it’s an anesthetic people don’t understand. You’re drinking a drug that will put you to sleep. It will pass you the fuck out if you drink enough.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah, yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: Use this for surgeries before we had better alternatives, and they stopped using it because it was so toxic to the human body. But we keep drinking it. Right. And I think that a lot of people are anesthetizing themselves right now with food as well. Food, which is another mine. I have all the general mass addictions. Right? Addiction to food, addiction to alcohol, weed. I don’t have cigarettes. Thank God I got enough. And it’s like, also, I think a lot of people, you can be in an awakening while you’re asleep, like. Or you’re anesthetizing yourself, which is what I was doing. I was just like, I grapple with. Was I anesthetizing the energy? That’s an awakening within me because I wasn’t ready to hold it yet. Or was I anesthetizing myself because it’s really hard to be a super feeler in the world, number one.
>> Isha Vela: Maybe both. Amy.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah. And an extrovert, you know? And it’s like, you know, in our pre chat, we were talking about energy, and it’s like, you know, how do I maintain my ability to be present in a world that seems like nobody’s in charge and the ones that are able to pull the levers and make things happen seem to be absolutely fucking batshit crazy.
>> Isha Vela: hm.
>> Amy Lorbati: And there’s so many people who also are in that same delusion. And it’s like, how can I exist in a mass delusion when I’m starting to have cognitive dissonance in my subconscious, right. So it’s not even necessarily in my conscious. And that’s really scary. And, you know, it’s like looking at all the stuff you got to look at if you’re going to really wake up in the world. Like racism, sexism. I work a lot with, you know, male, you know, with female, you know, with. With women with the conditioning that is put on those who were born into bodies identified as female. Right. Like, whatever you identify as, it doesn’t matter if you’re conditioned woman. You’ve got a particular experience in life. And it’s like, whether it’s racism, you know, sexism, islamophobia, you know, anti, jewish hate, whether it’s, you know, classism, whatever, it’s like, these are different levels of awakening and just also to, you know, what am I participating in?
>> Amy Lorbati: You know, what am I participating in? Like, how am I supposed to speak up in this world that is so scary that I see everyone around me? This has happened. This has happened to women for fucking centuries upon millennia. And also people of color, depending on where you live in the world, you’re. Shut the fuck up. You can’t speak. You know, like, I mean, if you go back far enough, like, women literally had stuff, like, there were ways to muzzle a woman so she couldn’t speak because if she spoke up, her husband or the male that was in charge of her, because men were in charge of women, could put them into these kinds of things. So you learn not to speak. So if you’re awakening in a world that’s gone absolutely fucking mad, which no one’s giving any credit to, the fact that the. The entire. Well, some people probably are, the entire world was in a collective trauma.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: Of the pandemic.
>> Isha Vela: Absolutely.
>> Amy Lorbati: Then there’s been other traumas that have happened, and it’s like, I don’t think anyone’s had a chance to heal. And we’re in a massive, like, at least it feels to me. Awakening of human consciousness.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: Talk about second coming. It’s not like who people think it is. It’s us fucking waking up.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah. It is not.
>> Amy Lorbati: I mean, maybe Jesus will come back. I just lit my Jesus candle. Come back, Jesus, come back.
>> Isha Vela: But it’s Jesus. It’s Christ consciousness waking up in us. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And it’s like. And that, I think, is such a powerful energy, and it’s been so co opted and deluded.
I think people are waking up to something called Christ consciousness right now
And, you know, I read some article where, a religious writer, a pastor was talking about the fact that people are saying, hey, like, what you’re saying is nothing. You know, I don’t know, dominant enough what the word is that I’m looking for here. And the guy’s like, I’m literally quoting Jesus.
>> Isha Vela: That’s.
>> Amy Lorbati: Huh? Like, you’re upset that what I’m saying isn’t, like, christian enough. He’s like, I was literally quoting the words of Jesus Christ as written in the bible. And this is not. We need to be harsher.
>> Isha Vela: Oh, my God.
>> Amy Lorbati: We need to be meaner. We need to look down on people more, we need to hate more. And the guy’s like, well, this is Jesus. So it’s hard to be a Jesus adherent and not adhere to the words of Jesus. But I agree with you 100% whether people want to call it Christ consciousness. Just, let me say that again. Christ consciousness or not, it’s a lot of c’s or the awakening of divine consciousness or the awakening of universal consciousness. It’s almost like we have gotten ourselves as humanity. Thank you, humanity, for the gift of getting us to the point of almost cratering the earth, that people are actually waking up. They’re actually waking up. And social media sucks. And also they’re able to see it.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, exactly.
>> Amy Lorbati: So it’s like we’re in a really unique time, m where it’s almost like the forces of. Let’s call it totalitarianism, or the forces of, you know, somebody might want to call it extreme patriarchy. It’s like, the power of domination is rising, and then the power of liberation is also rising at the same time. And it’s sort of like we’re having.
>> Isha Vela: To mobilize this big wave, right. Not against the energy, but just kind of within ourselves and sort of get really big and take up space and hope that we shine a bright enough light to eradicate. Right. Or to just, like, drown out, this other totalitarian energy.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah. And then there’s also people who have different belief systems who are also rallying to rise up, to just go, no.
>> Amy Lorbati: What you are speaking is so upsetting to whatever my belief system is that I cannot allow you to exist. And I really love, you know, working with the concepts of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, which you and I, we both went to the. Were we in the same year with Leila Martin?
>> Isha Vela: No, no, no. I wasn’t in Leila Martin, but I do work with nervous system stuff. Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: Okay. Yeah. For some reason, I thought we were both in the same. In that same group, but I think we’ve been in some of the same things together. Yeah. So it’s sort of like, because if. When your subconscious brain takes over, and I think most people on earth right now are being conditioned to reside mostly in their subconscious, you know, kind of most primal brains right now, which is why that people are having a hard time, I think having. I’m going to call it, command of themselves. you know, it’s like, fight, flight, freeze is such an instinctual thing. And, you know, fight, flight, freeze, fawn. And, you know, when I was looking at that, there’s another one. I can’t remember who it was that said this. It’s fight, flight, freeze, and annihilate.
>> Isha Vela: Ooh.
>> Amy Lorbati: Like a rage so big. It’s bigger than fight. I must destroy you.
>> Isha Vela: Wow.
>> Amy Lorbati: I have been triggered so hard into that that I. It’s not just fight you to defend myself, it’s fight you to destroy you. And that’s an energy that I see very mobilized on this planet right now. And it’s contagious.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: Right.
>> Isha Vela: It really taps into that lizard part of our brain, right into that survival, into that war. Primal, warlike parts of us. Right. And I think that social media definitely plays a part in that separation, in that. Yeah. Just kind of, like, in the binary of good and evil, right, wrong, righteousness. Right. All of that.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, yeah. And then. And then what I noticed, because not, only have I successfully gotten myself off alcohol for the last 50 days, I’ve also really gotten myself out of the news spiral, you know, which I had. I had successfully. I used to work in television. I worked in the entertainment industry. I. You know, if I ever had to try to explain to my mom’s friends what I used to do, I’d be like, I put the coke cups on the judge’s desk for American Idol, which, you know, I did the deals with the advertisers who paid us millions of dollars to put their products in our show, to sell more of their stuff, because they want to connect to. You want to connect to emotionally resonant moments.
>> Isha Vela: Right.
>> Amy Lorbati: Because you want to create, like, a good feeling with your brand, you know? So that’s what I did for a living, you know? And, you know, it came out of. I lost my train of thought, what we were talking about here.
>> Isha Vela: It’s okay. Let’s just go.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, but it was like, you know, I came out of that world.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: You know? Which is one of the manipulations of consciousness.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, yes.
One of the ways I survived stress was drinking, right
Right.
>> Amy Lorbati: The entertainment industry. Yeah. It’s like, you can’t get more, you.
>> Isha Vela: Know, broken mirrors and manipulation and illusion.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah. And also, like, a. I learned how to drink in the. In Hollywood, in the entertainment industry, because I. That was all one of the ways I survived it.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: One of the ways I survived the absolute unbelievable stress, especially of working in live television. You know, live television being watched by millions and millions of people. you know, we’ll create, you know, a particular fortitude within one. Let’s just say. And one of the ways that I got up every day and did it was drinking every night and then getting up the next day and going into, like, an experience of so much stress, you know, and then going, you know, drinking and then getting back up and doing it. And I think what I was originally was gonna say was, it’s really interesting, too, with social media, because you very easily and quickly find yourself within an echo chamber.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: So the only thing you’re getting served up is either or usually because the algorithm favors things that make people mad and create, you know, agitation.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: Like in piss osity. I’m fucking pissed mad at you. So it’s like you find yourself in an echo chamber where that’s being served up. That’s all you’re hearing. I. That’s all you’re being fed. Right.
>> Isha Vela: Nervous system is getting all riled up. Right. It’s getting, like, pulled in all these different directions. Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: Day after day. And if you were like me, you would then anesthetize your nervous system at night so that you could, pass out, fall asleep, wake up the next morning, and if I couldn’t sleep at night, I would pick up my phone and look at Instagram.
>> Isha Vela: Right.
>> Amy Lorbati: And would absolutely horrify and horror eyes myself from what I was seeing that was happening in the world. Right. Just like, what the fuck? Wake up. You know, get back at it. Of, overstimulating. Overstimulating. Overstimulating. Ah. And so I think that the world is filled with people whose nervous systems are, like, vibrating. They’re, like, on edge, and they don’t know how to function anymore because now their patterning is more into the reptilian brain. I sound like I’m some kind of conspiracy theorist. You’re much more easily controllable.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah, yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: Right? So, like, I feel like everybody who’s awakening is getting themselves number one out of that nervous system. Dysregulation.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, exactly. Exactly. That is that. I think that’s a huge step in sort of like, exiting the matrix.
>> Amy Lorbati: You got to pull out.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And whatever your matrix is. It might be Facebook. It might be alcohol, it might be weed. It might be all three at once, which is what I, you know, let me do all of them and then argue with my boyfriend at the same time. Right. It’s like, how do I pull out? You know? Pull, and pray. Pull and pray a new way. A new way. You got to pull out and pray you don’t get pulled back in.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: At least until you can go back in with the consciousness to understand the. It’s almost like a drug that you’re. Because it is having an effect on your brain chemistry. It is a drug, and. And then if you. It’s almost like I was administering some kind of cocktail to just function.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
When we stop numbing ourselves, we become channels, right
Yeah. I mean, I remember getting through my early, early years of motherhood by just eating chocolate. Chocolate was like what I gave myself at the end of the day as a reward. Sugar was my drug of choice, my gateway drug. And it’s sort of like, yeah, it was all food. And when I was. When I got sick and was no longer able to eat sugar, oh, all holy hell broke loose because I started to feel all the shit that I was numbing, all the shit around, not belonging, loneliness. Like, all of the, you know, all of fear of rejection, all that shit came bubbling to the surface. Right? That was my. That was my sort of raw entrance into, like, all right, you’re gonna feel fucking everything now. You’re gonna be. You’re gonna commit to being a deep feeler, and you’re gonna be metabolizing all of that shit through your system. Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And that’s. That is not for the faint of heart.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah. And that’s, like, when you. And this is. This is sort of where you really. Your skill set really comes in, too, because, you know, you being the witch that you are, like, when we allow ourselves to be channels, when we stop numbing ourselves, we become channels, right. Energy channels. We begin to receive a. From ancestors, universe, fucking whatever, right. Whoever your spirit guides are, you begin to let that shit come through, and then it’s like you’re never the same again. Then you have to follow some of those mandates, and I know that you are somebody who receives and that you follow what comes in, just as I have in my business at times and being like, oh, we’re doing this today. Okay. Or we’re pivoting this way. All right. You know? but, yeah, when we stop numbing, we open up, and we become tuning forks or lightning rods or whatever you want to call it for those energies that are trying to. They’re, like, knocking on the door, trying to get through, and we’re not listening because we’re, like, numbing out.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, I just had a massive download talk about channels while I was listening to you talk. I was just like, I don’t know why I drank for so fucking long. Cause I was trying to fucking not listen to divine guidance.
>> Isha Vela: Mm
>> Amy Lorbati: So if I was drunk, I couldn’t hear them.
>> Isha Vela: Right.
>> Amy Lorbati: I can’t hear people. La, la, la. I’m not following that. Cause the last time he told me to do something, it was witch bitch, whore. Not listening. Go away. I’m drinking rose not available spirits. Go away. yeah, I’m actually serious, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> Isha Vela: And, I mean, part of the reason this is so nourishing, this conversation, and part of the reason why I wanted to invite you in particular to talk is because last year or the year before that, I don’t even. Time. What is time? yeah, it was the fall of almost two years ago where I went through this transformation where I felt myself just go underground. It’s like my whole body sunk into the ground, and I was crawling, like, underneath the roots of plants for about five or six months. And, what was happening was that I was going from whatever mother energy into crone. I was transitioning into crone. And, this was even before I turned 50. But it just happened involuntarily. It was just like, not by my choice, but it was like, nope, this is what’s happening right now. You are going to obey. You’re going to go underground. And my whole relationship to my business changed. Everything changed. I no longer wanted to be on social media. It’s just everything. Things fell away that impacted my business, in big ways. And I am curious if, like, if that resonates with you, what you have to say about crone.
>> Amy Lorbati: I’m drinking one of my two drinks.
>> Amy Lorbati: I actually have three here. I, you know, would love to.
First of all, while you were talking, I was thinking about a vision
First of all, while you were talking, I was thinking to myself, I really want to hear more about crawling underneath the roots of plants. What was that experience like for you? Is this more, you know, because, like, you’re using. I think it’s a metaphor, what you just used. you know, it’s like you weren’t necessarily crawling under plants, but it was more like, were you journeying there? Like, how did you know you were crawling around the root of plants?
>> Isha Vela: Like, when I. When I. When I closed my eyes, that’s where I saw myself being. Like, I just. Anytime I closed my eyes to meditate or to do, or even before going to sleep. That’s where I saw myself. That’s just kind of where the space I was inhabiting. And it was just like an underground transformation, but it felt very slow and it felt very, like, felt very raw and animal like. sexuality was part of it. Like, I don’t know, it was just like, have very vivid imagery of just feeling like, yep, I’m just crawling underground. And that just felt like a fact. yeah, I don’t know what else to say about it except that it just, it was a whole, it was like an incubation. like a hibernation.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, yeah, no, I thank you for explaining that because I wanted you to share more about it because a. I just know that you have the ability to actually answer the question that I was asking in a way that would create a visual for people who are either listening or watching us. because that’s what a vision is. That’s a vision when, you know, when you’re closing your eyes and you see images and it’s like, it’s a repeated vision that’s coming back over and over again. You know, that’s something that’s here to either show you something, teach, you something, you know, help, you understand what you’re going through. And if you’re drunk like me, it’s hard sometimes to be able to make the connections that. Okay, this vision, every time I close my eyes, is coming back.
>> Amy Lorbati: Right. And like, people are so scared of the word witch and we can talk about, you know, the arc, some of the archetypes that I work with, but it’s like, this is opening yourself up to the inner world, like, what’s going on inside you. And there’s, you know, the underworld journey which I feel like I’m finally coming out of. Mine was 18 months and I was really tired of.
>> Isha Vela: What was yours? Like, tell me about yours.
>> Amy Lorbati: Am I giving birth to an elephant? Do elephants just ate for 18 months? Like, what animal? I get going, what animal on earth? Is it a dragon? Am I giving birth to? Yeah, maybe it’s a dragon. Am m I giving birth to a horacle? You know, like, what, what is this? You know, it was like, fuck.
The journey really started for me at the beginning of 2023
I, you know, so let’s talk about the underworld journey. I’m trying to figure out how do I bring crone into this?
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And I’m gonna throw a plot twist in. so I’m gonna, like, the journey really started for me at the beginning of 2023.
>> Isha Vela: Okay. Okay. Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: I started to really question, what the fuck am I involved in?
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: Like, the online coaching space.
>> Isha Vela: Like, yes. Thank you.
>> Amy Lorbati: Who am I listening to? Like, what am I to. What am I talking about? Like, what am I doing? Like, am I working with the, you know, like, who am I meant to work with? Like, you know, it was like an existential.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: You know, and it started to just kind of like. Like, things started feeling weird. Like, the first quarter of 2023, I was just like, ah. Like, I just. I was almost like. I just couldn’t. It was like I was working through molasses, you know, and, you know, it was like, it was hard for me to show up. And if. If you have ever seen me when I am showing up, oh, my God, it’s big. You’re like, what the fuck? Holy fuck. You know, like, there’s shit flying at me from everywhere, right. I couldn’t do it.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And. And then snowpocalypse happened.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah, that was.
>> Amy Lorbati: That was March of 2023. we got hit with a snowstorm. I live. I live in the mountains. I live in a place that I call Witch Mountain, which is in southern California. And I do actually live on the top of a peak of a mountainous. I do. And I had to come here to learn about power. You want to learn power? Go sit on the top of a fucking mountain day after motherfucking day. And sometimes the mountain will jump, like, fucking nine to 10ft of snow on your ass. and if people are like, oh, we get nine to 10ft of snow here. Do you get it all at once? Sure. You might get it over a season. Do you get it all at once? And then do you have to try to dig out of it? And then, can any fucking vehicles in the vicinity of you drive? No, you can’t. You need specialized, giant machines.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: So that was like, it took me. And it was like, pat, pat, pat, let me just shove you so fucking far into the underworld. And, And it was like I kept thinking I was digging myself out and then another 3ft of snow would come and then I was like. And it was just like. I finally was like, all right, I’ll lie down. I’ll lie down. Took three 9ft of snow.
>> Isha Vela: Wow.
>> Amy Lorbati: And then I was like, okay, I will stay in the underworld.
>> Isha Vela: I surrender. Thank you.
>> Amy Lorbati: I was like, all right. And then I popped up for a minute to do audacious archetypes and then I went back in again. And then the, like, October 7 happened and then I was like, is there any motherfucking thing that I have to say right now worth fucking saying? Like, I went from content creation to shut the fuck up and listen.
>> Amy Lorbati: And I was also going, I have no money, right? I’m like, I’m in the underworld and I’m not earning any money right now, right?
>> Isha Vela: I’m on the underworld trying to make money. I’m just kind of here and I. Trying to run my business from the underworld world.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, it’s like, it’s. There’s nothing. Well, I don’t know that it’s an initiation. I don’t know if it’s a, first of all, I was blessed. I was in the underworld and wasn’t in the outer world, like, getting blasted, right? I was like, okay, okay, I’m here. And also, how do I do this? And it’s like I really was running on the bare minimum. I have two OG clients who’ve been with me since the beginning, you know, who have kept working with me. And honestly. So I wasn’t out there looking for people to work with. I was just basically being sustained. And I met a woman also, who opened a boutique up here who I became friends with. And she’s like, do you want to work at the boutique a couple days a week? And I was like, yes, I do.
You came off alcohol to get out of the underworld
So I make $17 an hour at, working at the boutique. And do you want to know what my biggest responsibility is? Like, steaming clothes and making sure things look nice and talking to people. And so I have the opportunity to speak to humans, which I wasn’t having in the underworld in my house.
>> Isha Vela: Right, right, right. Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: I was like, I’m making grocery money, and also humans I can look at in real life and not on a screen.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, exactly.
>> Amy Lorbati: I needed that. I’ve got. My boyfriend lives here. I have a cat. I mean, but sometimes I spend. I spend more time alone than most people I don’t even know. Like, I mean, I do live a pretty monastic existence. It’s me in my house with my books and my cat. And, now that I’m not drinking, it’s like, it’s fascinating to me because I went from binge drinking to binge reading.
>> Isha Vela: I’m like, all, ah, the books.
>> Amy Lorbati: And all the words, right? And I’m like, you have a problem. My boyfriend’s like, you. I have, like, 20 something library books here. He’s like, what are you doing? I’m like, I need this. He goes, this would stress me out. And I was like, why? It’s so comforting. It’s so comforting to me. He goes, this is like two years of reading. And it would stress me out because I would keep looking at it, thinking I had to read it all. I was like, no, I just pick one when I want to read it and then I put it back when I’m done with it. It’s like the best. So, you know, but I couldn’t do that while I was in. I was still drinking also while I was in the underworld. And when you’re in the underworld and you drink, you drink more than you ever did before. Which was one of the reasons I was like, once I started coming out, I was like, you got to stop.
>> Amy Lorbati: You have to stop. Like, you have to stop. And I, am looking for my book. Hold on. I have a, thing I’m working with. I’m reading this naked mind, which, if you want to get off alcohol, this naked mind, by any grace is amazing because she tells you brain chemistry wise, what’s going on in your brain with alcohol and why you’re addicted to it, which nobody talks about. They’re just like, get off it. It’s like, it’s hard. So in my book, because I also had to come off alcohol to get out of the underworld.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: My dad had to die while I was in the underworld. I mean, there’s so much shit that happened. So this is what I wrote. This was my. I do explorements. An explorement is an experiment and an exploration, right? It’s an explorement. It’s also an experiment. You know, it’s like, like, what happens if? So my explorement is. My spiritual gifts are amplified when I put down the booze. So I’m looking for evidence. I can’t stop this shit from coming through me right now.
>> Isha Vela: It’s like, it’s dumping. It’s dumping.
>> Amy Lorbati: I have to. I actually am working to create structures of. How do I work with the massive volume of stuff that is coming out of me or has already come out of me?
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: So, I have a massive amount of, you know, like this size notebooks full of stuff. and so, you know, the underworld kind of happened, you know, so it’s like. And I had, enough to basically get by on with, you know, kind of like two OG people sustaining me and working at the shop and like, honestly, you know, getting money out of money for retirement to just try to like, you know, and I had to really cut back on everything, you know? And it’s like, I’m like, great. I’m learning how to live within a budget, because when I worked in Hollywood, I made really good money and I didn’t ever have to worry about money. And now I’m like, bitch, you need to learn what it’s like to work for $17 an hour, which is a lot and also not very much at all. And, you know, I’ll be like, wow, it took me an hour to earn a sandwich. Right? Like, what, is this? This is a reality that most people exist in.
>> Isha Vela: Yes, exactly.
>> Amy Lorbati: It took me an hour to go buy a sandwich if I bought it next door at the cafe.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: You know, and I was like, wow, this is insane. Underworld. Thanks for all the lessons. And when am I going to get out? And I kept trying. I kept popping out, going, I’m out. And people were like, yay. And then I go, boom, back.
>> Isha Vela: Exactly. And you’re like, no, you’re not done yet. You’re going back in.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah. So I learned a lot. Like, don’t ever say you’re out of the fucking underworld, because whoever’s in charge of you being in the underworld, whether it’s you or somebody else that you work with, like some guiding spirit, they just shove your ass back in. And sometimes it’s an easy reentry, and sometimes you’re like, fuck.
Amy’s dad passed away in March of this year from Alzheimer’s
So that one was my dad’s passing.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And he passed in March of this year.
>> Isha Vela: Oh, wow.
>> Amy Lorbati: And, you know what was kind of interesting about that is, you know, he. He had Alzheimer’s, so it was happening.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: and, you know, he was 83, so he had lived a long life. And, you know, I got the call, like, okay. You know, my stepmom, literally, when she picked up the phone, she goes, Amy, your dad is dying. and I was just like, what? Like, you know, because she’s like, he just went downhill. So she goes, it was like, turn. And so that happened really fast. And it happened right around a hair appointment. This is going to sound faintly narcissistic. I’m opening my third beverage, my lacrosse. and it was like, my hair, my roots were growing in, and they’re very white. And I didn’t have time, really, to go get my hair done before I was going to go see my dad. And then also the woman that does my hair went on vacation for, like, two weeks. And so I go on this odyssey to go pick up my brother in Atlanta. We borrow my mom’s bright red Prius. She lends it to us, and we drive from Atlanta to North Carolina, you know, through rural south. In my mom’s bright red Prius that has a restore voting rights sticker on the back of it. Right. And my brother was dying because he drives a truck. You know, we were like, we nicknamed my mom’s car El Matador because it was like, red for all the conservatives, right? They’re just like, they see this car and they want to just ram it, you know?
>> Isha Vela: Ah, yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And, you know, we get to my dad’s, and he basically is waiting for us. He can’t speak anymore. You know, he’s in. I learned a lot of things. Like he’s in his deathbed, the bed he died in. You know, the sound that he’s making is what is called a death rattle, which is like very labored breathing.
>> Isha Vela: Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: He’s unconscious for most of the time. You know, me and my brother get there, you know, and we’re sitting, you know, by his bed. And he. It was really fascinating to me because my dad came back in, right. I could see his energy coming back into his body. And it started with him just like, I’m going to try to open up, like, kind of opening up one eye. And it was like, it was really slow. And then he came back in, and then he was trying to speak, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t speak, you know, and, and it was like, you know, we got to see him and spend time with him. So I believe he knew we were there. And it was like, then, you know, it was time for him to get, you know, the medication he gets at night. And we left, and then he never woke up the next day. And I was there sitting next to him, and it was like I could, it was almost like his face was collapsing, like his, his nose was changing. It was collapsing in on itself. He started to not look like himself. And that day that I was with him, you know, my brother, you know, my brother and I went back that evening. There was, that was the last time we ever saw him alive. And, you know, the next morning we got a call that he had passed that morning. And it was like, it was also the experience of being. Witnessing the transition of his energy leaving. Right. And we went back after he left that morning, and we stayed until the funeral home came and took his body away. And I sat with his body, and it was like, that’s a portal unlike anything you can possibly imagine. And I did all of that completely alcohol free before I did the 50 days that I just did. There was some knowing in me that said no. And it would have been really easy to drink that whole time, but I was like, no, you have to be 100% here.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: And. And then it was like we did a, pussy rave. literally, I think it was like, a few days after his passing, I was like, oh, my God. My dad threw a pussy rave as a wake for himself, you know? And it was like. I was like, what? You know, it timed it right with the full moon. He was, like, two or three days before the full moon he passed, and. And, I mean, I danced with him.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: You know, and it was like he. My dad was extremely religious, Catholic. Wanted me to be a nun. So I became the horacle instead was exactly what he wanted. and my whole life. You should be a nun. You should be a nun. I was like, you really don’t have any idea. and it was almost like. It was interesting because it was like he handed me the priesthood.
>> Isha Vela: Oh, wow. Yes.
>> Amy Lorbati: He handed me the priesthood. And it was like, I also got this knowing while I was, like, at his bedside, it’s like, you have to grow your hair out. I was like, what? I told you I drink, so I do not have to listen to you. Right. Like, yeah. I was like, oh, my goodness. Right? And, you know, talking about crone.
Mendez says after a certain age, you become invisible
And I wrote a post about my hair and posted it real quick. I was still in the underworld, because my partner was having such a hard time with my hair.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: I was like, let me just publicly announce I’m doing it so that the pressure at home won’t get me to diet yet. Right. I can always dye it back. I don’t have to do anything.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: and we did really lighten my hair a lot to match the gray.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: You know?
>> Isha Vela: Yeah. Looks fucking fantastic.
>> Amy Lorbati: And it’s like, I don’t even know what my hair looks like under this.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah, I don’t know.
>> Amy Lorbati: Cause I’ve been dying it for so many years, and you know what’s been fascinating with crumbs? I posed it. I’m letting my hair grow so that he would not. Like. I was just like, let me stop this. And I was like, you have so much gray, right?
>> Isha Vela: He gets to have gray. You don’t.
>> Amy Lorbati: he literally, like, he’ll hopefully never listen to this podcast. He literally said to me, he goes, it’s okay for Mendez.
>> Isha Vela: And he said, go fuck yourself.
>> Amy Lorbati: I was like, this is why I’m fucking doing it. And, you know, I love him because he really has so much patriarchal conditioning that, and also, he’s a super conscious, evolved person at the same time, so it’s always so fascinating for me to go, like, your inside and outside voice, that’s telling me the stuff that literally we’ve been, like, forced to. Like, women are forced to dye their hair.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah.
>> Amy Lorbati: They’re forced to dye their hair.
>> Isha Vela: Yeah. Because you become, Because you become invisible. Because even the attention that I would. That I would get three years ago when I walked around in public is not the attention that I get now. Like, I don’t get attention. I, like, I have no sway. Like, I’m completely invisible. And I still think I’m cute. But clearly the world has other opinions, and I’ve had to adjust my expectations. But, you know, but that’s, That’s the reality that we live in, is it’s like after a certain age, you become obsolete. You are no longer in your childbearing years. Right. And, you know, I don’t know. This just,
There’s so much more here to address, and we’re out of time
I feel like this conversation is to be continued because there’s so much more here. There’s so much more here that we need to address, and we’re out of time. But I want you to tell people how they can find you. How they can. Well, you have a podcast as well, right? So you have places where you get to express your full self unapologetically and really, like, drop those. Those downloads. Transmissions.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah. So I am, You can find me on Instagram. I. Amitch. W I t c h. Not the other one. Which. Bitch whore. All spelled correctly. so, that’s where you can find me on Instagram. I have a podcast. it’s called the Horacle speaks. season one is up. I have not started season two yet because I was in the underground. I did do some podcasting from the underground, and then I was no longer allowed to speak anymore. It was, like, really fascinating. So, even my last episode that I recorded was, like, a speed recorder. I’m out. so that’s where you can find me. I definitely think we should continue this. and we really left where we left off we can begin with, which is crone.
>> Isha Vela: Yes. Beautiful. M bless you. I love your energy. I’m just so, like, I’m in my delight right now. It’s like, oh, there’s. Yes, there’s so much here. Right? There’s so much energy here. So thank you for coming on and, to be continued.
>> Amy Lorbati: Yeah, this is a fun conversation. Thank you.
>> Isha Vela: Thank you for listening to today’s episode. Remember to hit the subscribe button to get notified of new episodes dropping on the new and full moons of each month. And if you haven’t already. Leave us a five star review on iTunes. To make sure that everyone who needs this transmission receives it. Until the next episode, I’m sending you fierce, fierce love.