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3.14 | The Messy Truth About Holding More Capacity (Few People Talk About)

Isha Vela (00:00):

Welcome to Devotional Anarchy,  a podcast about intimate embodied leadership that is radically human,  honest AF,  and thereby inherently disruptive to systems of disempowerment and disconnection.  I’m Isha Vela  trauma psychologist,  certified somatic,  intimacy alchemist,  wealth wizard,  shadow doula,  love anarchist,  intuitive channel,  and sovereign business coach.  You’re here because you know intimate self connection is the source of everything you want to create in life,


Isha Vela (00:33):

and that building safety and trust in your own body is what allows you to fully own and stored your energy and your relationships.  Get ready to explore attachment,  sexuality,  spirituality,  self expression and sovereignty and other relational themes from a trauma responsive somatic energetic lens.  The conversations and tools shared in this podcast are designed to offer permission to create the abundant life,  love and business that lights your soul on fire.


Isha Vela (01:02):

 Hello and welcome to Devotional Anarchy.  Today we’re going to be talking about the messy truth about holding more capacity that people in the somatics world and in the coaching industry don’t really talk very much about.  And that you don’t often see on social media.  So just a funny backstory.


Isha Vela (01:31):

 I had a whole other episode planned that I had recorded with someone that I met during the wealthy woman vault that launched in May.  And it was all about how deeply ancestral money wounds live in our bodies and in our psyche.  And it was fucking fire.  And I erased it by mistake and I couldn’t get it back.  So it was such a bummer and getting together with her,  scheduling a podcast recording call with her was really hard.


Isha Vela (02:03):

 And yeah,  so I’m really sorry that happened, but I’ll probably catch up with her again and present that to you another time.  And if you’re watching on video,  I am in my new office.  I moved at the end of just a couple weeks ago.  Moving was hell,  but I’m here and I am unpacking very slowly.  So there’s nothing on the walls,  but I’m in this beautiful,  beautiful little space.  I am so like, it’s so cozy and it’s so perfect for where I am in my life right now.


Isha Vela (02:35):

 So yeah, and this episode I created for you today is because I’ve been in the aftermath of my ex-husband’s passing and the volume of work that has come in through the wealthy woman vault and basically holding two full-time businesses in half the time that I had before.


Isha Vela (03:04):

 You know, I really wanted to talk about capacitation and overwhelm and you know,  capacitation is the central core of the work that I offer.  It’s the central core of you being able to build,  to have,  and to manage a business that generates the kind of income that supports your family,  your dreams,  your vision.  And this,  of course,


Isha Vela (03:31):

goes with what I’m offering right now,  which is the most affordable way of working with me one-on-one,  which is a three-month container called The Wealth for spiritual entrepreneurs wanting to deepen their embodiment of revolutionary wealth and financial swagger. I had to put that in there because it’s just like that confidence,  it’s not just confidence,  it’s just feeling like you’ve fucking got this,  right? Like you know what you’re doing,  you know where your money’s going and that is priceless.


Isha Vela (04:04):

 And included in the three-month offer is six, you know,  personalized private somatic coaching calls with me where we really look at your attachment to money and we sort of begin to begin the uncoupling process of your money story with where you want to go and really sort of opening up your nervous system capacity.


Isha Vela (04:34):

 You’ll also get a free 90-minute financial needs analysis where we calculate your monthly expenses,  gather all your assets,  and really establish like what are your goals and what are your retirement needs. And then there’s another part of it,  like another 90-minute session,  like a comprehensive financial strategy session where we,  based on that financial needs analysis,  build a roadmap to what you described,


Isha Vela (05:04):

like that you want to build in your life and in your business. And then you’ll also get my mini course,  FLEX,  the Five Pillars to Nervous System Capacitation and Resilience,  which you can download for free right now from my website.  And I, you know, I have that there so that you can continue practicing your embodiment of wealth well beyond our three months together.  So,  you know, I want you to imagine knowing exactly how much money you need to earn every month to reach your desired life goals and how to structure your launches so that you can make those dreams reality.


Isha Vela (05:40):

 I want you to imagine like going on vacation and enjoying every experience without worrying about the cash running out, without feeling sort of that internal contraction and tightness. And I want you to imagine feeling confident about taking the reins of your finances and making investments that support you,  your business and your family, and that keeps your money safe,


Isha Vela (06:02):

right?  So this wealth of resource is available for $1,800 with the option of a three to six month payment plan with payment plans starting as low as $300 a month.  So,  so in the theme of holding a bigger vision for yourself and your business,  i.e. not playing small and not sort of curtailing yourself or sort of colluding with limitation.


Isha Vela (06:35):

 I wanted to offer this as a way to capacitate your system to hold bigger amounts of money in your business and wanting to talk about an aspect of capacitation that very few people talk about,  both in the semantics world and in the coaching industry. I mean, it’s actually kind of taboo.  And the reason why it’s taboo is because, you know,


Isha Vela (07:01):

the culture of online business and online entrepreneurship has been up to more recently about, you know,  well downplaying the human,  the very human and embodied aspects of running a business,  of running a human centered business.  Of, you know,  sacred sales processes of, again,  human centered marketing and even in the spiritual and embodiment industry.


Isha Vela (07:34):

 And there’s a tendency,  particularly because of social media,  to present oneself as invulnerable in ways that perpetuate a social mask of perfection,  of having attained a certain level.  Again,  downplaying the messy parts of our lives.  And that’s been the trend.  And everything about having a human and body centered ethical business disrupts that pattern.


Isha Vela (08:02):

 And that’s what I’m here to do.  So as you know,  capacitation is central in building a business because you cannot build a business bigger than what your nervous system can hold.  It is not possible.  And if you try to do it,  your body will find all sorts of kinky ways to, quote unquote,  sabotage your efforts in order to keep you in a safe and familiar place,  right? Like, I don’t believe in sabotage.  I believe in your body attempting to create safety in ways that are sometimes unhelpful,


Isha Vela (08:38):

that are sometimes not adaptive and not in alignment with what your soul desires from your life.  So I want you to think of capacity like a cup.  You can have a cup the size of Lake Michigan,  and you can also receive at that level, right?  It’ll be a mirror to what you can receive.


Isha Vela (09:01):

And you can have a cup the size of a thimble,  of course,  anywhere in between.  But you can have a cup the size of a thimble,  and you will also receive at that level.  It is all about your expectation,  what you believe you deserve,  what you believe is possible for you. But that is also sort of part of a holding,  the way that you hold energy in your body,  right? It isn’t just a belief that lives mentally,


Isha Vela (09:34):

but it’s also belief that is embodied.  And,  you know,  where you are and the size of that cup is going to be very different for everybody based on, you know,  ancestral,  like what you inherited ancestrally,  as well as what you lived,  what you’ve experienced in your lifetime.  So think about your capacity to hold a specific amount of money.  What would be a lot for you to have in your bank account right now?


Isha Vela (10:02):

And what would, what amount would activate scarcity for you?  And it’s really interesting traveling,  because,  you know,  when you travel,  you know,  other currencies have,  you know,  obviously,  like,  you know,  10,000 pesos in Mexico is not $10,000 in US dollars. And so like,  even dealing with different currencies really challenges you,  can challenge you to think about like,


Isha Vela (10:32):

oh,  yeah,  that amount is,  that feels high, but it actually isn’t high.  And so you’re having to adjust there, right? And sometimes it can be a challenge.  So think about your capacity to hold a specific amount of money.  What would be your edge?  What would be a lot for you?  What would activate scarcity for you?  And what’s, what’s a lot for one person is different for another person,  right? Big amounts of money that are outside of that cup about outside of your container, they activate very subtle forms of fear,


Isha Vela (11:07):

which is,  which is really just unfamiliarity and uncertainty.  Right? That is a very subtle fear response that oftentimes we’re barely able to track and that activate the five different relational patterns I talked about in one of the expert classes as that was part of this launch.


Isha Vela (11:33):

 You know,  and when we think about people like lottery winners,  we’ve all heard the story about lottery winners who, you know,  received this huge amount of money.  They’re, they’re, you know,  probably working class folks who’ve probably never made more than,  let’s say,  $50,000, $60,000 a year.  And then all of a sudden win the lottery, win just this crazy amount of cash and they squander it.


Isha Vela (12:03):

 Like it just like disappears within months because they can’t hold it. Right?  Because what, you know, we think about as self-sabotaged is actually a way to balance out the internal, internal cup with what we’re receiving externally. Right?  So it’s like,  it balances out,  right?  The body seeks balance.  And sometimes that balance is skewed because of, you know,


Isha Vela (12:32):

trauma, but it’s actually a way of seeking out comfort and safety.  So just to think about a specific definition of capacity,  capacity is the amount of stress you can hold and stay present with without having to disconnect from your body by shutting down,  zoning out,  or going into high arousal, panic,  or catharsis.  And capacity isn’t just about holding what’s happening externally,


Isha Vela (13:02):

right? Receiving money or dealing with stress,  but it’s also about being able to hold all of the complexity of your human experience as well.  So what people don’t talk about when they talk about, you know,  when we address building capacity is that sometimes you do go into shutdown.  You do zone out and you do go into high arousal, panic,  or catharsis as part of the process of building capacity.


Isha Vela (13:33):

 Let’s fucking normalize that.  Growth, as you know,  is gnarly.  It’s awkward.  And anyone who’s trying to present it to you in a neat package that’s not messy is bullshitting you.  Because we are carrying so much generational trauma,  part of building your capacity will be to release some of that.  And releasing,  for me,  is a lot like, I equate it to giving birth to your becoming,


Isha Vela (14:05):

right?  Becoming is about shedding,  shedding old aspects and parts of yourself,  right? And taking on new identities.  And birth is messy.  You know,  real births are,  you know,  fluids are everywhere.  You are grunting,  you are shaking. Sometimes you’re vomiting and shitting on yourself.  And so the same goes for the birth of becoming the person that can hold bigger capacity.


Isha Vela (14:38):

 And that is the deep,  somatic level transformational work that’s going to build your capacity,  right? It’s going to be cathartic sometimes.  And so going back to holding more,  because there’s nuance here.  Sometimes holding,


Isha Vela (15:01):

and we talk about holding as this positive thing,  right? Holding more capacity.  So think about holding.  Holding can be a defense pattern too,  right? And it’s actually one of the most common defense patterns,  which is rigidity,  right? And if you’re watching this on video,  you’re watching me shake my hands as I try to hold so much,  and I’m starting to buckle and shake underneath all that weight.  Okay,  talked about in previous episode, I’ve talked about the embodiment of white supremacy,  and that is part of it, right?


Isha Vela (15:31):

The holding in of emotions,  the fear of falling apart,  both mentally,  emotionally,  maybe even physically, right?  And like when we’re trying to hold it together,  okay,  to keep from falling apart,  you are in a defense pattern. It’s not healthy.  Because,  you know, I just want to,  again,  normalize.  As a human being running a business or multiple businesses in unprecedented times,


Isha Vela (16:03):

in an unpredictable economy,  you will at times feel overwhelmed,  right? To say the least.  Sometimes you’ll feel overwhelmed because you’re hearing crickets during your launch and, you know,  the offer that you thought would be just so amazing and like easy to buy,  isn’t selling the way you thought it would.  Maybe the money from your business is not hitting your bank account consistently enough to keep up with your living expenses, and there’s actual scarcity,


Isha Vela (16:32):

right? Maybe the pressure of juggling multiple roles. You know,  being a parent entrepreneur,  a student,  a healer, a partner,  a leader,  feels like there just isn’t enough hours in the day to do it all and be it all,  you know, and again,  right?  That tendency,  the tendency can sometimes be in these situations to cope,  to be like a really good cooper,  because at some point in your life,  you have to cope,  you have to deal,


Isha Vela (17:01):

you have to hold it together.  Maybe your parents weren’t holding it together and you were the child that had to hold it together.  And,  you know,  sometimes we hold it together by,  you know,  doing the things that in the somatic world is recommended,  like soothing yourself with rest,  with movement,  with a distracting,  pleasurable activity,  anything that sort of like nourishes you,  and that absolutely works. I’m a total advocate of that,  and that doesn’t work so well when the overwhelm gets to the edges of your cup,


Isha Vela (17:37):

to the edges of your capacity,  right?  When the overwhelm moves into or past the threshold of intensity,  and where that is,  again,  is like unique to your unique nervous system,  and what you may need in those moments is room to fall completely the fuck apart.  To finally collapse and surrender into the grief and terror of not being able to hold it all together anymore,


Isha Vela (18:06):

of not being able to like have your defense pattern work.  And that can look like crying,  shaking,  tremoring,  screaming,  anything that provides you with the experience of release on a physical,  energetic,  emotional level.  And,  you know,  I will say that it’s important to give those very, very vulnerable parts the things that they need,


Isha Vela (18:38):

and oftentimes,  you know,  the part of you that’s coping,  that’s managing,  that’s holding,  that’s maintaining,  desperately wants to be held.  Desperately wants to be held,  desperately wants to let go,  and wants somebody else to take the wheel,  right?  And sometimes it’s important for us to have that. You know,  it doesn’t mean that we build our relationships,


Isha Vela (19:03):

we structure our relationships like that,  but it means that we give ourselves the experience of having that in a curated,  special space,  right? Where we’re really held in it, and held in it responsibly,  and in a trauma-informed way.  And what is amazing about letting yourself have the breakdown,  right,  is that sometimes the confusion that you feel in your business gives way to blinding clarity.


Isha Vela (19:38):

 Sometimes your inability to sort of hold the vision or see the vision gives way to a big,  expansive vision after release work.  Sometimes you have like really big,  aha,  insight moments,  right, on the other side.  And that’s what capacity building sometimes looks like, to go to that uncomfortable edge and actually flood a little bit,


Isha Vela (20:06):

and actually kind of like lose it a little bit.  A lot of the current, you know,  narrative in the semantics world is about not going into overwhelm.  And you know,  generally speaking,  I’m an advocate of that.  We don’t need to have our system in overwhelm, it’s not healthy.  And sometimes,  you know, in the semantics world, we can get obsessed with regulating.  We can get obsessed with,


Isha Vela (20:32):

you know,  we got to kind of keep ourselves within this boundary,  within these limits,  while sometimes that doesn’t happen. Sometimes it’s not possible.  And life in, you know,  like late stage capitalism is dysregulating as fuck.  And, but the key is not to get dysregulated.  It’s not not to get dysregulated,  because sometimes you will get dysregulated.  The key,  I believe,  is when you get dysregulated to have the right supports in place.


Isha Vela (21:03):

Like,  it’s not dysregulation that makes the difference.  It is being held in it where the healing happens,  where the transformation actually happens.  It’s always about the witness,  whether the witness is you,  just you,  or if it’s with another person,  whether,  you know, that’s a therapist,  a coach,  a friend,  right? It is, it is about the witness to the part that is overwhelmed,


Isha Vela (21:32):

that is anxious,  that is so afraid,  that feels like it’s all too much.  Those very vulnerable parts are the ones that we need to take care of.  And I said,  like I said earlier,  you know how it goes.  The breakdown leads to the breakthrough.  That’s, that’s exactly what I’m talking about today about building intentional spaces for you to break the fuck down.  And that’s why,  you know,  like I said,  it’s important to have community, you know,


Isha Vela (22:01):

supports in place,  so that can hold you in those moments,  preferably someone professional. But the point is that the, you know,  the reason why I’m emphasizing that part is that we don’t often,  especially as leaders,  especially as healers,  as spaceholders,  we don’t often give ourselves a space to fall apart because we’re so busy,  because our lives are so fast,  and because we fear not being able to pull ourselves back together again.  But nothing can be further than the truth.


Isha Vela (22:31):

It is actually like allowing it, being willing to feel it all,  that actually gives rise to the next level,  the capacitation,  that stretch moment.  And,  you know,  the mindset falls into place,  the vision starts to hit,  you know, or the vision opens.  So these are some vital notes on emotional fluency that,  again,  embodiment,  folks don’t often talk about,  the semantics industry doesn’t really address.  And, yeah, I feel like it was just really important to name as part of our conversation about capacity and opening to receive more wealth,


Isha Vela (23:09):

whether it’s wealth and it’s relational wealth or, you know,  financial wealth or health wealth,  all of those things, it’s all tied in together.  All right.  Thank you for listening,  and I will see you in the next episode.